Limbo

Could Tigist be any happier?  No.  Could she be any cuter?  No. 

Photo courtesy of my dear friend Bekah.

I detest limbo.

Not the game where you try to go under the stick (okay I don't like the game much either--I'm horrible at it!) 

But the state of being.

As in I really, really, really don't like being in transition.

And it feels like multiple areas of my life right now are in exactly that: limbo.  Waiting.  In-between.

Ugh.

Obviously our adoption has been in limbo for over a year.  It is, in many ways, more frustrating and painful by the day.  I feel guilty--yes, guilty--that two of my precious children currently live in an orphanage, even though there's not a darn thing I can do about it.  And then on the other hand, I sometimes feel fearful about them coming home.  What will life look like with seven kids?  How am I going to drive that big, huge van sitting outside my house?  What if one (or both) of our daughters need...gulp...heart surgery?  And then I feel guilty for THAT--for having any less-than-totally-positive thoughts about the girls coming home.  The thing is, I WANT them home.  But I'm a little nervous.  Which is normal, I know.

And things in the religion-y sphere of my life feel limbo-ish too in certain ways.  (Yes "y" and "ish" are appropriate suffixes.  Completely and totally legit.  So is the word "legit.")  I've shared about it off and on here.  More on that to come soon, I'm sure.  But anyway, it's hard being in the in-between.  It's hard sometimes to trust and obey and follow when you can't see the end of the road.  Especially when it doesn't make sense to other people.  But God rarely sends us down the wide path.  Because it's all about the narrow road, right? 

Of course with all of that being said, my goodness, I love my life! 

My kids had orientation today at their homeschool co-op and, while I am utterly exhausted, I'm reminded of how crazy blessed we are to belong to this program. 

Kevin's currently on his way home and that always makes me happy, happy, happy.  Love my husband.  Love.him.

I watched my 22-month-old repeatedly drop and then proceed to eat her very own ice cream cone today.

AND, my dinner prep is all done and it's baking in the oven while my kids clean up the house.

So, yeah. 

Limbo's no fun.

I want my girls home.

I want to feel settled.

But life is amazingly sweet.

And there's something to be said for anticipation.

Even in the in-betweens.