Countdown to 30: Homeschooling

{I'm doing a series of answering peoples' questions about me and my life as I count down to my 30th birthday. If you have something you'd like to ask me--anything!--please leave a comment or send me an email. It's not everyday I open myself up to answering any and all random questions, so ask away!}

Today's question comes from my sweet blog friend Jenny.  Who writes:

My oldest is 4 and will be starting his second year of pre-k this fall. We've decided to HS kindergarten. So what's your HSing day look like? What's your school schedule like? How do you do it with multiple children? How do you defend your choice to HS to others who don't agree?


Yay for homeschooling! 

The decision to school your child at home is a brave one, for sure.  It's countercultural and intimidating and people are going to think you're weird.  :)

But I am so, so glad we decided to do it anyway.

We see homeschooling as simply an extension of our family's typical day-to-day activities.  Our ultimate goal is not to raise Harvard graduates (though that would be fine with me!), but to raise women and men who love Jesus and love others, who know how to learn and who love to read.

We start our day around the table where we do our Bible/Saints reading over oatmeal.  We read a Bible story (alternating between different childrens' Bibles--the Jesus Storybook Bible is my favorite!), and then a reading about a Saint.  We like the Children's Book of Saints, as well as any of the Loyola books.  We have also done a missionary biography or two, although I'm a little choosier with those.  Don't ask.  (I'm just not always thrilled with the underlying messages regarding culture and salvation in those stories.  Sorry.)

Then while I load the dishes into the dishwasher and wipe down the table, my kids go get dressed and make their beds if they haven't already.  Once they're done we usually move on to Math--Anna works mostly independently because she can read.  My sons do math with my guidance, because they aren't reading fluently just yet.  As for curriculum, we like to use Saxon Math.  (Which some think is boring, because it doesn't have cutesy pictures etc., but I actually like that.  Less for my more-distractible child to be distracted by, and a focus on the basics.)

My youngest two, who aren't in school, head off to play independently.  Sometimes they are underfoot or nearby, but it has never been much of an issue.  (And no, they don't head off to play independently in the front yard.  This is just a photo I took of them last week.  When I was with them in the front yard.  :)  )

After math we do History.  We are using Story of the World (LOVE!!!), which I read aloud--we studied ancient history last year, and will be studying the middle ages this year.  My kids love hearing the stories, and I always have a basket filled with library books corresponding to whatever we're currently studying.  Sometimes I photocopy coloring pages for my kiddos, out of the accompanying activity guide.  (And sometimes I even take my youngest on a field trip to Rome.  :)  )

Then there are the other things, like spelling, handwriting, and reading instruction. 


Spelling:  Used Zaner Bloser for first grade.  I like their sweet illustrations and their stuff seems affordable.  This next year I'll be using Spelling Power for my second grader, but my sons will do ZB like she did last year.

Handwriting: Zaner Bloser for kindergarten, and not sure what I'll do for Anna this upcoming year.  Last year we counted her spelling workbook as handwriting.

Reading: Anna taught herself to read shortly before her fifth birthday, so we never did phonics or any sort of anything for her.  I've tried different things with my sons, with limited success.  Until I scored a set of Reading Rods at the thrift store ($3!!!!!)--and my boys are doing SO WELL with them!  They love being able to hold the blocks in their hands, manipulate the words etc.  I cannot say enough about this curriculum!

I have to tell you that I am super excited to begin catechizing my children at home this upcoming year!  (Essentially, teaching them the faith.)  In fact, I just ordered the Faith and Life series for first and second grade today--can't wait for it to arrive!


As far as the schoolday goes, I like for us to be done by lunchtime.  Sometimes I'll read to the kids from a classic children's book like Paddington Bear or The Wonderful Wizard of Oz while they eat.  After lunch is naptime for my youngest, and the rest of the kids have free time.  Occasionally I enforce a rest time for them too.

We are structured, but flexible within that structure.  I don't run my home like a bootcamp (usually) and I don't try to emulate a public school classroom.  Because we are a home.  A family.  And I believe learning should be a natural outflow of our home.

My kids attend a full-day enrichment-type program on Thursdays in a nearby suburb, where they get to enjoy a typical schoolday (for homeschooled kids.)  They have lots of friends and get to take fun classes like art and drama and science and dance.  This program is free (!) because it's through the public school system--what a blessing!  (It's also pretty sweet to have one day a week with just my two youngest girlies!)

And yes, I do occasionally encounter someone who is openly hostile towards, or skeptical of, homeschooling. 

The truth is that I live my life differently than the vast majority of people I meet--and this is just one more thing to tally up in the "those weird Heldts" column.  :)  I honestly think our family size (five kids ages 7 and under) and make-up (two adopted) really breaks the ice.  Because by the time it comes out in conversation that I homeschool, the person is already so beyond being surprised by anything about me.  :)

People wonder about socialization the most.  In a family with five children and two parents who, quite frankly, talk a lot.  I know, right?  The funny thing is that an.y.where.we.go., my kids set out to make new friends.  No joke.  Every event, every BBQ, even at the 4th of July fireworks show, they take off and by the time we've left they've made several buddies.  I also have to tell you that I was public schooled K-12...and I knew COUNTLESS socially awkward people.  So I think it has very little, if anything, to do with public vs. private vs. homeschool.  When someone asks about it or expresses concern, I politely tell them that my children are quite social and well-adjusted.  And occasionally I throw in my anecdote about social awkwardness in the public schools.  :)

People also wonder how it's possible for a mom to teach kids what they need to know, academically.  How can my children learn from me (college drop-out that I am) as well as they could from a certified teacher?  I always tell people that a mom is actually in a prime position to teach her children.  That it is really quite a natural thing and while it's perfectly fine to delegate your child's education to a public school, it's also fine to do those things at home.  I am able to teach quite efficiently without a huge classroom to manage, we're able to avoid the pit-falls of peer pressure and negative influence, and guess what?  There's no homework.  No sitting around the table every night with three tired, cranky children slogging through packets of worksheets.  In the same amount of time we would spend doing that, we're able to do an entire day's worth of schoolwork.  Done by lunchtime.  The rest of the day free for playing, reading or resting.

I believe God creates us with a capacity and desire to learn, and as a parent I attempt to facilitate and nourish that.  This summer, my seven year old is averaging a huge long chapter book every one or two days, on her own.  She's blowing through Laura Ingalls Wilder's books, has read Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, The Indian in the Cupboard series...the list goes on.  This is all of her own volition.  And it makes my heart happy, because it encapsulates a good portion of my dream for schooling at home: a child who loves to learn and who has the freedom to explore his or her own interests.

My two favorite books on homeschooling are A Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home and Catholic Education: Homeward Bound: A Useful Guide to Catholic Homeschooling.  The former is excellent whether or not you plan to school classically, and the latter whether or not you are Catholic.

Support and encouragement are also so important on this journey, and I would urge anyone schooling their children at home to seek out a group of like-minded mamas.  It can be through a co-op, church group, homeschooling group, or even online.  Somewhere that you can ask questions and connect with women who totally get it.  I am blessed in that some of my closest friends also happen to be homeschoolers.  (I met these dear women before any of us were schooling at home, too!  And, not everyone in the above photo homeschools--this was taken at one of our awesome girls' nights.  Four of us pictured in the photo do school at home.)

Remember that homeschooling is an extension of mothering, and so there will be hard days where you wonder why on earth you set out to do this (and when you might even reach for the phone to enroll your child at your neighborhood school, ASAP!)  I confess that when I drive by our local elementary school, I occasionally have wistful feelings about what my days would look like if my kids were away for eight glorious hours.  But deep down?  I am so, so glad to be teaching my children at home, so glad for the life they are living and so glad that our typical day is not a series of pickups and dropoffs--especially for the sake of my two youngest.  And, I love having my children around.  Truly.  I miss 'em when they're gone!

Hopefully this sheds some light on what we do.  Good luck on your journey, and thanks for asking!

Countdown to 30: My parents, my childhood, and the closest I came to rebelling

{I'm doing a series of answering peoples' questions about me and my life as I count down to my 30th birthday. If you have something you'd like to ask me--anything!--please leave a comment or send me an email. It's not everyday I open myself up to answering any and all random questions, so ask away!}



what did you love most about your parents growing up? How did they shape who you are today with the way that they raised you? And what did you pick up along the way that did not come from them? Okay, that's 3 questions! But hey, I want the juice! Ooh, I thought of one more: did you ever go through a rebellious phase? If so, how long did it last and what brought you out of it? If not, wanna go clubbing with me and get it out of your system? HA! Just kidding!


Today's question comes from my sweet friend Candice, who I've gotten to know through church. As you can see, she asks some good ones!

Me with my parents in 2007

I am an only child (I know, right?) and grew up in the itty-bitty town of Creston, California. My dad was an elementary school teacher and my mom was an at-home mom. Our family of three was very close--we did everything together and my childhood was quite happy. Some people assume that children who grow up without siblings must be lonely, but I was not. I've always been independent and able to entertain myself, both qualities that I am glad to have been able to develop.

My best friend Rebekah and I at our high school graduation, Atascadero High School, Class of 1999

Plus, my parents were always quite supportive of my friendships and so I've always had dear, wonderful friends--many of them more like sisters. One in particular has been my BFF for 22 years. (Pictured above.)

It's hard to pinpoint what I loved/love most about my parents. They're wonderful people who provided a warm, loving home for me to grow up in. They gave me the gift of faith, a sense of humor, and an intact family life. My dad is funny, deeply caring, and ever-supportive. Always has been. My mom is a lot of fun, a great conversationalist, and makes me laugh really hard pretty much anytime we embark on some sort of adventure. They adore my children and my husband. They are two of my best friends.

As far as how they've shaped me, they taught me to love and obey Jesus, which is huge. We attended (and were very involved in) church every single Sunday, and I learned that committing to a faith community is a crucial part of the Christian life. Some of my fondest memories, in fact, are of church events--potlucks and Christmas Eve services and 4th of July campouts.

My dad was passionate about advocating for the developmentally delayed and differently-abled. My parents would regularly visit fellow church members and friends who were hospitalized or in nursing homes.

We did a lot of laughing in our house, and our family was very laid-back and relationally-based, if that makes sense. We spent a lot of time at home--not running from activity to activity. My mom and dad gave me a love for good books and for reading. We lived pretty simply and were not always buying the latest, greatest things. My parents never, ever tried to fit in or keep up with the Joneses. My mom stayed home to raise me and this was a huge value for her--what an incredible gift and legacy. They taught (and modeled for) me that marriage is for life.

As for things I've picked up along the way that did not come from them, the most obvious would be the fact that I have five, soon to be seven, children, while they had one.

As an adult I love to travel--which we never did when I was a child, except for the once every one or two years when we'd go down to Orange County to visit family and go to Disneyland. (LOVE Disneyland!)

I'm horribly un-punctual as an adult, but growing up, we were ALways on time. Usually early, actually. I hated always being the first kid someplace and was always so embarrassed, heehee! (Now as an adult I wish I was more on-time like that, but sadly, I've pretty much given up. :) )

Me being baptized on Palm Sunday, 1989, 7 years old

Finally, when I was growing up, my family attended a small, casual, non-denominational community church, but for the past few years I have been researching historic Christianity, which will surely eventually culminate in my joining the Catholic Church. So, that's different. On the other hand, both of my parents were more or less raised Catholic and I remember my mom had this ornate (and, looking back, rather beautiful) painting in a gold frame stand (with doors on it) of the Blessed Virgin Mary--so maybe I somehow actually picked some of that up from them. (As a kid that little painting terrified me though, and I would purposely close the little doors! Ha!) My mom has always had a love, I think, for high church and for the Mass, and there are things my dad misses about the Catholic faith as well. (He also has some GREAT stories about growing up in a parochial school, as many in his generation do.)

Now, on to the really good stuff: did I ever go through a rebellious phase? :) I would have to say no, not really. In other words, I never rebelled by drinking too much, sleeping around or doing drugs. I did have a nasty, selfish adolescent attitude that surely made me not the easiest kid to raise. I wanted to do my own thing and be with my friends all the time and, as I'm sure is true for many teenagers, it was hard to walk the line between belonging to your family and achieving independence. I was excited to move out for college, but by the end of the year felt dreadfully homesick and somehow that time away cured me of my peer-oriented-ness and grouchy-towards-my-parents-ness.

As a high schooler I did begin, for the first time in my life, to have occasional doubts about the existence of God. The whole thing, the whole idea, just began to seem really...crazy. (Probably because it is!) Nearly impossible to believe. God seemed distant and I sometimes wondered if it was all just made-up. I wondered how my faith would look once I left for college. Still I went to church and believed, but I would often doubt.

As a college freshman I lived in the dorms at the public California university I attended. The girls living next door loved to party (and to deal drugs--but that's another story), and one Saturday shortly after we all moved in they told me they were going out that night, and invited me along. All afternoon I had this horrible, nagging feeling inside. I felt Jesus telling me in my heart that I had to choose. And that He loves me and that I can't live a divided life. That either He was real and I needed to live in light of that fact, or He wasn't real and in that case I could just walk away.

And suddenly, I just knew. I knew God was real. I have not doubted Him in that way since. (I've also since decided that doubt is incredibly normal, and can turn out to be a healthy thing in the end. More on that another time perhaps.)

Later, when one of the girls came by to say it was time to go, I told her that I wouldn't be going. I was a little embarrassed, but not particularly disappointed. (I've never been one to cave to peer pressure, thankfully.) I felt a renewed sense of love for Jesus, and I sensed more than ever His love for me.

Sweet Stacy and I, sophomore year of college

The next morning I got up early to go to church, and ran into someone else in the bathroom getting dressed up. "Are you rushing sorority?" I asked her (it was rush week.) "No, I'm going to church," she said. I felt as if God had given me such a sweet gift and--Stacy became a dear friend that I would live with, along with two other dear Christian girls, the following year. And, I realize it was just a typical college party, but it signified so much more for me.

My wonderful roommates sophomore year: Stacy, Paige, Lindsey, and me

I have to tell you that every time I walked to and from my dormroom that year and passed by the condom dispensers, everytime I got up Sunday morning only to be greeted by large amounts of vomit in the shower or toilet stalls from drunk residents (yes this happened every.single.week.), everytime I saw girls walking back to their dorm rooms in the morning laughing (or crying) about how they didn't know where their bras and underwear were after last night's party, I was reminded of God's amazing grace, faithfulness and mercy to me. He never gave up on me, even in spite of my ambivalence.

And I have always had friends living a different lifestyle from me. I love and respect them dearly. Differences in religion or ways of living never mattered to the friendships, and I'm under no misapprehensions that I'm better or smarter than anyone else. And I'm so grateful for that year in the dorms. I had a blast. But when a nervous college freshman read her pregnancy test in my room, breathing a sigh of relief when the results were negative because she had no clue which person, among many party hook-ups over the past month, would have been the father, I was inwardly grateful to God that He spared me from what I believed to be destructive decisions.

So that was the closest I got to being outright rebellious, and I'm so thankful it did not come to fruition. I have really had no desire since to go live what many would call the "good life", because I saw the other side of that life many times over that year: panicked young women and youthful mistakes, potentially bearing very grown-up and serious consequences.

Then of course I married my husband when I was but 20 years old, and some people say you shouldn't do that because you miss out on the carefree "fun" of your youth...but I knew I wasn't missing out. And that there's nothing fun about most of those things in the end.

I credit God's mercy, and the good foundation laid in both word and deed by my parents, for keeping me more or less on the straight and narrow. And now you all know that I'm a pretty boring person, but I kind of really like my boring life. :)

Oh and Candice, if you're up for going clubbing, I'm totally there. Just kidding! (Even though it would be incredibly entertaining--can you imagine?!)

Thanks for asking!

Independence Day 2011

We had such a fun 4th of July weekend this year!

It kicked off at Kevin's bi-annual (yes, every other year) work party.  Lots of food, multiple bounce houses for the kids, and an all-around good time.

Okay, you try getting a good photo of five kids when they're tired and sweaty.

I dare you.

On the actual 4th of July, we went to a picnic hosted by a local Ethiopian church, where we got to spend time with some friends.  The kids got their faces painted, made bracelets, ate snowcones, and the girls each got a small braid with beads in their hair.

Later that afternoon, a dear couple and their sweet son braved our un-air-conditioned-house stopped by for a visit.  First time meeting them and they are truly a delight--such an encouragement to us!  More on them, and the book that brought us together, soon!

Then that evening, we set out to see some fireworks.  This year we caught them at the Denver Country Club--SO FUN!  We were able to park right across the street from the club (thank you Bed Bath and Beyond), and it was super convenient.  Plus, the show was great!

Fruit snacks are better when you share with your sister.

My flip flops look so boring next to my daughters' sparkly flats.

 

My kiddos all lined up to watch the show.

Baby sleeping sweetly by the time we got home.

Four-year-old sleeping sweetly by the time we got home.  :)

Oh how I love creating these lasting memories and traditions for our family.  Loading up the kiddos and planning activities can be a bit of work, but it's always worth it when you see the looks of sheer delight (or terror!) on  your childrens' faces as the first fireworks appear. 

A happy Independence Day indeed!

Like father, like daughter

GK Chesterton, and Lynne Reid Banks.

The makings for a perfect summer afternoon.

Countdown to 30: Kids and chores

{I'm doing a series of answering peoples' questions about me and my life as I count down to my 30th birthday. If you have something you'd like to ask me--anything!--please leave a comment or send me an email. It's not everyday I open myself up to answering any and all random questions, so ask away!}


This time my bloggy friend Tiffany wanted to know:

How old and what chores do you give your kids to keep your household running smoothly?

I have to tell you that while I'm not sure how smoothly our home runs :), we are big into chores around here.  We don't however currently have much of a chore chart, use a reward system, or give an allowance.  I'm sure as time goes on that some of that will change, but for now, the kids do chores because we're a family and therefore it's important to pitch in and help out.  I talk about how Mommy has lots to do around the house too, and while it's not always what I feel like doing, things don't go well if it doesn't get done.

I did find this chalk/corkboard (originally from Target), brand new, at the thrift store several months ago for around $5, and wrote out some specifics there.  (Kevin added the "chore" at the bottom.  :) )  Those chores are in addition to the kids' other daily responsibilities, which include:

• making their beds
• picking up after themselves (toys, books, art supplies) before lunch and before dinner
• preparing lunch
• taking their dishes to the counter after meals
• taking Mary's diapers out to the trash

 and their weekly responsibilities:

• loading the washing machine with their dirty clothes
• moving their clothes to the dryer
• folding and putting away their clothes.

My kids learned to do chores when they were around 3 years old probably, just picking up their own toys and such.  As time has passed they have gradually been given more responsibilities.  Some kids are better than others at various things, and I admit that while I should do more rotating around so they all become proficient at each job, it is super tempting to have Yosef do all the sweeping all the time, because he is such a rockin' sweeper. 

My goal is that by the time my children leave my home, that they will know more or less how to keep a home.  Each and every one of them.  Boys and girls. 

The ultimate reason for having the kids do chores, in addition to it being good discipline and useful for later in life, is so our household will run smoothly.  Now please don't get me wrong, I want my kids to have lots of playtime, to be able to make a huge mess, and to have, well, a childhood.  And, they do.  But with this many people in our family, there is no reason for me to be running around doing jobs that my children are perfectly capable of doing.  And, I don't want them to see their mother as their personal servant.  :)

I would say that Anna (7 yrs.), Yosef (6.5), and Biniam (6.5) do the bulk of the chores.  Kaitlyn is four years old, and I've honestly gone easier on her than I should when it comes to helping around the house.  Recently though she has begun doing more, and she enjoys it!  Sweet Katie Jane takes such pride in making her bed and wiping the table down--it is adorable.

Eventually I plan to have the kids completely take over the floors and the bathrooms, but for now, I'm still in charge of those because I want them done a certain way.  I really look forward to when they can vacuum, too (we have carpet in our bedrooms) but I think our vacuum is a bit too heavy for now.  Or not--maybe I should have them give it a try!

My children definitely don't always work with a happy heart, but honestly, I would say that for the most part they do.  When they start complaining I usually explain why it's important for everyone to help, and they get it.  They really do.  Plus, they have each other, so they're rarely working alone.  They know what to expect, and they know that life simply involves work.  (If they don't learn that at age seven, they'll learn it later, and it actually might be harder to learn then!)

Hopefully this explains a little bit what we do around here.  Thanks for asking!

Countdown to 30: Living as a family, or running a group home?

{I'm doing a series of answering peoples' questions about me and my life as I count down to my 30th birthday. If you have something you'd like to ask me--anything!--please leave a comment or send me an email. It's not everyday I open myself up to answering any and all random questions, so ask away!}


Today's question comes from a blog reader who emailed me. I think it's a great question, and I know it's something a lot of people wonder about (but usually are too afraid to ask!) So, buckle up and away we go...





Large families are awesome. I don't have one but always liked the idea of lots of kids and the joys that would come with it. When though does a large family border on group home? It can't purely be a number thing so would it relate to the time or relationships children have or don't have with the parental figures or maybe something else? Also what are your thoughts on the good or bad that would come with crossing that border?

I'll start by saying that yes, I think large families are awesome too!  And the idea of a large family mimicking a group home is somewhat indicative of our modern times.  Historically speaking, "family planning"-- to the degree that it is practiced today, because people have always used some form of contraception--is a relatively recent phenomenon.  Directly related to the advent of hormonal birth control.  SO, fifty years ago, people wouldn't necessarily be thinking that way about large families, because they were more common and accepted.  But, society has changed. 

As for me personally, I subscribe to the historic Christian belief that children are part of a loving God's design to enrich our marriages and push us toward selflessness and thus further towards holiness (aka, teaching us what life and love are all about)!  I believe that the Catholic openness to life is, in general, part of being man and wife and part of God's purpose in instituting marriage.  Therefore, I think that children are a good thing.  A healthy thing.  A designed-by-God thing.  Having a large family, for many of us, is thus not an arbitrary decision, but a core part of living out our vocation as a married man or woman.  The goal is not to have a slew of kids so our quiver can be full or because we simply can; instead, we accept that God has bound procreation to our sexuality and that children are gifts to our marriage and signs of our love.

I would say that our own family is pretty darn close. We do lots of laughing, working, and playing together. Everyone pitches in, because we're a family, and we each have a role to play and some ownership in being a Heldt. There is a bit of discipline and structure too, because that is also part of living together (and growing as a person!) We learn side by side to be peaceable and loving and gracious and kind. We have to learn to share and sacrifice and look to the common good.  Some days are harder than others...for all of us.

The thing is, large families are not just full of children, they are also full of relationships.  My children, all five of 'em, have such unique bonds with us and with one another.  Sometimes there is friction, just like in any relationship.  Mostly it is beautiful.  Such a sweet slice of life.  Something we wouldn't see on this scale had we birthed our 1.2 children and called it quits.

And, want to know a little large-family-mom secret?  I have found that with each additional child, I savor the moments, the milestones, the cuteness, the itty-bitty toes and chubby fingers and years days spent nursing so.much.more.  No, I have no clue how that works out, but it just does.  Maybe it's because while you cuddle your sweet newborn, you're simultaneously watching your five year old daughter reading Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach.  It's her second time through.  That day.  And it hits you in a very deep place that life is forever moving forward, always marching on towards the future.  So, yes, you clutch your swaddled newborn a little tighter and relish her every coo and tell yourself that the sleepless nights are totally worth it.  Because they really, really are.  And all too soon, they'll be gone.

Adoption of course brings an interesting dynamic to this discussion, because it has the potential to defy natural child spacing and no natural law arguments are at play.  And, we're talking about children who've come from trauma.  The hard places.  In February of 2006, for example, we brought Yosef and Biniam home--twin boys just eight months younger than our biological daughter, Anna, who had just turned two.  Yes, that is three children ages two and under.  :) 

But a group home?  Not so much.

Then Kaitlyn was born.  Four kids ages three and under.  Group home, or family?

Then came Mary Lu.

Again, I'm thinking not so much of a group home.  :)

And we are of course currently in the process to adopt two little girls from Ethiopia.  Bringing us to seven children. 

So how does one know how many adoptions is "too many"?

How long before your home ceases to be a home, and begins to more closely resemble the orphanage your children originally came from?

Honestly, I don't know.  I know we're not there.  Because I know we operate like a family--a sometimes crazy, semi-chaotic family, but a family just the same.  Lots of cuddling, good conversation, and laughter.  My kids care about each other.  They're best friends.  And they all feel a connection to us.  If any one of our children were gone, there would be a HUGE, gaping hole in our family.  Felt by every single one of us.

I once assumed that we'd be "serial adopters".  I truly thought we'd be that family that continued adopting, again and again.  But, it has not worked out that way.  Instead, since that time, God has blessed us with two additional, dear biological children.  And more recently, united us with two precious little girls in need of a family, each of whom has an extra chromosome and who is going to maybe need a little extra help.  All of that to say that the adoption of these girls is most likely going to be our final international adoption.  And I feel complete and utter peace about that.  (I do hope that one day, when our children are grown, God might open the door for us to become foster parents.)

Because while I once felt compelled to fix the orphan crisis myself, I now simply ask God to use our family how He sees fit, to meet the greatest needs that we can realistically meet.  And I recognize that we can't meet each and every need.  Nor should we try. 

Ultimately there is freedom in how people choose to run their families.  Some families, whether large or small, may just seem less intimate (or more group home-ish) than others.  And I think that's okay.  It is also surely God's will for some families to, for example, adopt many high-needs children who may require therapeutic parenting, lots of structure, and lots of energy.  Life will not be easy, but I bet that family will be growing in virtue and driven to a very real, very right dependence on God. 

And I'm sure there are some small families that more closely resemble a bootcamp or an institution, while some large families are as close as can be.  (How do you even define "close", anyway?  Pretty subjective.  Not to mention, a high-structure, therapeutic home is anything but cold or devoid of love.  These parents in the trenches are some of the best you'll find, anywhere.  Period.)  It seems to be more about family culture and family dynamics than the actual size of the family.  And families can and will have different dynamics.  Yes I do know adults who resent that their parents adopted, relocated to a developing country, or gave birth to a child with medical needs.  But I also know that most people find something to resent about their dear, poor parents who were doing the best that they could.  And life, as much as we'd like to pretend it is, is not all neat and orderly and designed to revolve around us.  (I also know many adults who admire the unconventional path their parents chose, some of whom even caught the vision themselves.  I hope this for my own children, but who can know?)

Something I think about a lot, especially when I'm tempted to romanticize the days when I had just one baby napping in the other room (bwahahahaha!), is that our house-of-five-children is filled with life.  You cannot spend more than about one minute here without, um, discovering that.  I hereby apologize to anyone who has come over for an evening, only to be accosted at the front door by children eager to host them, or who have been begged to read a story aloud, or who have had to listen to endless descriptions of t-ball practice, Aztec sacrifices, or Pixar movie plots.  (Doubly sorry about the Aztecs, but let's face it, we homeschool).

Lots of  life within our walls.  I propose that life is a good thing and, afterall, Jesus came to give us life to the full.  That life definitely doesn't have to look like life in an institution.  It can be robust and dynamic and really, really beautiful.

If nothing else, please do understand that large families are really just...families.  Whether they are high-structure, high-nurture, or a mixture of both.  And we desperately need grace because we are constantly being judged and scrutinized based on the number of children we have.

Is my almost-two-year-old screaming and crying in Target?  That mom has way too many kids to handle.

Is the same almost-two-year-old one of our children screeching like a pterodactyl being too loud in the library or in a restaurant?  Look at all those kids just running wild.

Is there a skill that one of our children hasn't mastered yet?  Well, when you have so many, you just can't give individualized attention to any of them.

Nevermind the mom-to-two in Target whose four year old is throwing a huge fit.  Or the parents of one screaming-and-throwing-food toddler at Chili's.  Or the couple with two children, spaced five perfect years apart, whose youngest is a late walker/talker/reader/underwater-basket-weaver.  Could it be that life with kids, whether it's one or twelve, is just plain unpredictable?  Could it be that that is part of why God gives us children in the first place?  To teach us the virtues of patience and long-suffering and charity, not just toward our children but also toward others?

Quite frankly, it can be exhausting being judged primarily on the basis of how many kids we have.  I have met people who cannot get past this fact (no matter how much I try to downplay it), and who it is, as a result, impossible to build a relationship with.  "I don't know HOW you do it, I'm so maxed out with two!"  And despite my very-best-clever-conversational-attempts to steer the conversation elsewhere, it just keeps coming back to that.  "But wow, five kids, oh man, you must be supermom/crazy/an alien."  Finally I just smile and repeat that it doesn't matter how many children you have, motherhood is hard...and eventually the conversation dies a sad, especially-awkward-for-an-introvert-like-me death.

So. 

While I don't have an easy (or short!  ack!  sorry!) answer as to when things move from loving, tight-knit family to institutionalized group home, I've hopefully clarified a little bit about how I see families in general.  And ours is probably a lot like yours.  Happiness and sadness, laughter and tears, lots of messes and the occasional mommy-meltdown.  That's just life, and it's a crazy ride, and choosing to embrace it is a daily, moment-by-moment, only-by-God's-grace choice for me.  May I learn to rejoice more and more in my vocation as a wife, and mother-to-many!

Thank you for asking!

The Miracle Maker

Kevin read some good things about this movie recently, so we picked it up from the library.  Friday night, after baths and pjs, we and the kids settled into the living room to watch.

And, oh my goodness, it was so sweet.  Super touching and powerful and true to the Gospel accounts of the life of Jesus.  We all thoroughly enjoyed it, so I thought I'd share.

I hope you're having a blessed Sunday!

7 Quick Takes Friday {#26}

1.)  I'm having a lot of fun with my current series of answering questions.  My goodness, you people ask some good ones!  My answers are all turning out to be way too long in length, so sorry about that.  :)  I'm still accepting questions, by the way, and you can ask as many as you want.



2.)  We had some crazy wind and torrential rains briefly this afternoon.  Causing a HUGE tree branch from a HUGE tree to come crashing down on precisely the spot where Kevin always parks our Corolla.  Thankfully he was at work, with the car, when it happened!



3.)  Wednesday night, a sweet friend treated me (!) to dessert and coffee at Whole Foods, over by the Cherry Creek Mall.  If you're a local, have you seen their decadent dessert bar?!  And I had some delightful lemon gellato and an iced mocha, in case you were wondering.  (Could you tell I was roasting all day in the summer heat?)  I had such a wonderful time, and not just because of the dessert.



4.)  Today is Kevin's bi-annual 4th of July party at the company where he works.  Two years ago, at the last party, there was a crazy rainstorm that put a bit of a damper on the bounce house and other various outdoor activities.  Hoping today's festivities stay dry!



5.)  I made chili this week.  On a very hot day.  Not sure why.



6.)  I'd hoped to make it to the pool this week, but some of my kids (read: most of my kids) have colds, so we stayed home.  They all caught the aforementioned colds from Mary.  They have so much fun splashing around at our neighborhood pool, and are excited for swim lessons later this summer.  Get well soon kids!



7.)  I get so bummed out when I do something dumb and let one of my kids down.  (Which, sadly, happens on a regular basis.)  I'd wanted to sign Anna up for a day at horse camp this summer, as there was a SWEET deal through Mamapedia.  But, it expired before I bought it.  Ugh.  Major mom fail.  So now I'm trying to come up with an affordable alternative, because without the deal it is ridiculously expensive.  Here's hoping I figure something out!



Thanks as always to Jen Fulwiler for hosting these here Quick Takes!