Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I didn't check this box!

When you adopt a child, there's a form you fill out, placing a check-mark by special needs that you would be willing to accept in a child (and you feel like a real jerk while you're doing it too!) You can say whether you would consider a child with scars, deformities, developmental delay, HIV...the list goes on.

When you give birth to a child, there are no boxes to check. Provided everything goes well, you carry the baby for nine months and become a mother to the child God gives you. And you expect that this beautiful, wrinkly, cuddly baby will thrive and be well.

This past weekend Kaitlyn began showing more signs of infection, and her itchy diaper rash had still not gone away (and had become even more aggravated the minute we put Aquaphor on it), so today I took her in to see our pediatrician. He'd taken a skin culture during the last infection and we discovered that while it was indeed a staph infection, she is NOT colonized or infected with methicillin-resistant staph (or MRSA), which is very good. HOWEVER, she has yet another infection. AND she's lost weight and fallen off her growth curve.

I found out today that he's been doing research and is pretty well convinced that she has a rare syndrome where some part of her immune system is being suppressed. We're going to be visiting two specialists in the upcoming days: a dermatologist and the immunologist (again.) He says he's never seen anything like this and is completely perplexed, and is anxious to get more specialists on board to discover what the problem is. I'm not looking forward to the bloodwork (is there anything worse than holding your baby down during a blood draw?) but I AM looking foward to getting some answers...sort of.

The truth is I'm terrified. My little girl has not been fully well in eight long months. Not only has she not been well, but we don't know what the problem is. Not only THAT, but I'm now afraid to find out. Will it eventually be life-threatening? Is it serious? Am I equipped to deal with this?!

As I was sitting in the cry-room at church on Sunday with two other moms, I reflected on the fact that each of our babies has a health issue to deal with: one baby will need heart surgery, the other has spina bifida, and Kaitlyn most likely has an immune deficiency. It made me think of the Bible verse about Jesus and the man who was blind from birth. "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." God has beautiful plans for these precious babies and He has made them just the way He wants them. He will give us strength and courage to mother them and love them and to meet whatever need they may have. May I rest in this peace that only comes from above!

20 comments:

Rachel said...

I have nothing to say. I am so sad that this is still happening and that you have yet to get answers. Kaitlyn is back on the prayer list!

It is nice that you have company in the cry room at church, unless of course their children are crying.

lindsey cheney said...

wow. that is a lot to take in, so much to deal with along with your other 3 to mother! i don't know how you're doing it - you amaze me! we'd love to have 3 little heldts over while you're at the docs, or we could come down. options...

Shannon said...

I'm saying a prayer for Kaitlyn. I hope you are able to find out what the problem is soon and that God will give you the strength to deal with whatever it may be.

graceling said...

First, amen to feeling like a jerk while you are checking your boxes!

We will pray for little Kaitlyn! I can't recommend enough that you see specialists when you experience things like this! They might not be able to tell you what to do about a 24 hour stomach bug, but they sure know a lot about strange/rare disorders!

Lisa Leonard said...

Oh Brianna! That is some heavy stuff. We will continue to pray for you guys. The verses you mentioned have played a significant role in our lives and have given us so much comfort as we have have processed and grieved David's disability. God is good. There is pain in our journey, but I pray God's grace will abound in your lives (actually i know it does!) and that you will experience his joy. Love you!

Kristen Borland said...

oh, brianna. keep resting in God. i will continue to pray for katie jane.

Tamara said...

Well I have to say, God is already with you. In my experience, having a doctor listen to you when you tell them something isn't right even though you can't put your finger on it is rare. To find a doctor who did the research FOR you is even more rare.

Yes, you will be able to overcome whatever is handed to you. It really is the unknown and your own imagination that is the scariest. Once you have answers, you hopefully will have a plan on how to combat the problem. We went through this earlier this year with Gregory. After 8 long months the answer was his asthma medication was causing him to silently aspirate and damage what little lung tissue he has. While I was completely floored at the discovery (and guilty that every inhaler puff caused it), but so relieved that we could solve the problem and stop the vicious cycle.

So just know that God is walking with you through this and there is a reason Kaitlyn has been dealt this card. It will make you and your family stonger and maybe even one day have a impact on someone else that will start the same path and you can be a little light for them....

And if the going gets too tough, a little bit of zoloft can help smooth out the rough edges! haha :P

Becky said...

Wow, such tough stuff! How do you do it? She's so sweet and looks so happy! We will pray for answers, solutions and of course a healthy little girl! God will never give us more than we can handle, I know... easy to say, tough to do. (Coming from the jerks that checked the "healthy" box on our adoption paperwork!) His plans are centered around giving glory to Hiself... may you be filled with his comfort and peace! We love you all.. b&t

Shana said...

Brianna,

I continue to lift you and your family in prayer. Remember that in our weakness, we are made STRONG (I am reminded of that verse a lot lately, even in my own life). And no, you are not equipped to deal with this, but HE is, so lean on Him.

Praying for a miracle of healing.

Shana

BJ @ http:freedomfiles.homeschooljournal.net said...

We were hit with the reality of autism being part of our lives when my son was 2&1/2. We had been dealing with the symptoms much longer than that; that's just when he received his diagnosis. You want life to be "perfect" for your child. It never is. But there is a plan. Wherever this journey with Kaitlyn takes you, I pray for a peace that passes ALL understanding.

Jena said...

I just want you to know that I am a long time lurker, and this post ministered to my heart. As God brings you to mind I will be praying for grace and healing.
Thank you!

We have a 4 year old, almost 3 year old, and 15 month old, and when I found your site it was such a relief to know that there were other crazy young moms out there loving on their kiddos and growing their families when God leads.
Thanks-
Jena
www.twodifferentloves.wordpress.com

Owlhaven said...

praying for your sweetie....

Mary, mom to 10

Samantha said...

Hang in there Brianna! As scary as answers can be, at least you can form a plan of attack. Both of my older kids had all sorts of health issues until we found out they both have food allergies. It is hard to keep them off of dairy and gluten, but worth it to keep them healthy. We will be praying for wisdom and strength for you, Kevin and Kaitlyn.

Jeannett Gibson said...

Poor Kaitlyn! Hang in there...let us know if you need someone to watch the other kiddos...even if it's just to get some one on one time with her...or, if you need some company or whatever...sometimes just being distracted is helpful!

shelley said...

you have an amazing attitude. i cannot wait to see what little kaylin will teach this world!

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for her.
Kate
http://aspecialfamily.wordpress.com

Joy said...

brianna, we will pray for you guys. i'm so sorry--you guys are displaying amazing faith. i love the verses you quoted. please let us know how we can help you. dinners? childcare? something else? we love you guys!

Meg said...

Praying for your daughters health and for your whole family.....
Meg

shelly said...

praying for your baby and your family!...love the bible verse you used and the way you used it to reflect!

Brenda Williams said...

We're praying for you guys and especially little Kaitlyn. After reading your post I immediately went and hugged my kids and thanked God for health with great sincerity!

 

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