I didn't do a mushy-gushy Mother's Day post yesterday. I guess I wasn't really in the mood, for one thing--my kids were SO frustrating in church yesterday morning that my day really didn't kick off to the best "I'm-so-in-love-with-motherhood" start. Think whining, eating crumbs off the ground up at the front of the church during communion, and falling off a chair. Yeah. (On the positive side, Kevin was so great, brought me flowers and Butterfinger candy bars, took care of all the meals yesterday, and got us Chinese food for dinner.)
What's REALLY on my mind is some other mom stuff I've been thinking about. I just started reading a book, which shall remain anonymous to protect the author, that I have found to be pretty awful. And yes, it's a pro-adoption book. In fact, the whole thing is about adoption. But I just so disagree with this author's philosophies in regards to a child's birth country and past that I had to post. Why is the author so insecure about the fact that his children spent part of their lives without him? I don't feel threatened by having my kids eat Ethiopian food or learn Ethiopian songs. (?????) I hope as they grow to adulthood that they DON'T "hate" the food from their country of origin. As is evidenced by the fact that we kept their names, I DON'T want to erase their Ethiopian identities. (I'm not saying everyone who renames a child is doing this, but in the author's case, it was this huge deal.)
We also just watched a documentary that was, in my opinion, a pretty insensitive treatment of adoption. Granted the parents in the documentary were just being themselves, but really, they were an interesting cross-section and NOT representative of pretty much all the adoptive parents I am blessed to know. Then the person hosting the documentary seemed really hung up on the fact that the children didn't look like the parents...um...hello? THE KIDS ARE ADOPTED! As in, they were born to someone else. And when the families travelled to meet the foster moms who'd cared for the babies, to say goodbye and thank you, one adoptive mom left the child at the hotel with her husband and went alone. The foster mom was devastated, as all the other foster moms around her were able to say their goodbyes. I mean, the lady was weeping. The adoptive mother seemed unapologetic and flippantly said she wished she could do something to comfort the foster mother...to which the foster mother replied, "Had you brought the child, I would have been comforted." (I think I may have applauded at that point.) I just got the vibe that some of these adoptive parents were so caught up in a "give me my baby" entitlement mentality that they ceased to consider the child's perspective. As in, how to explain to your child that the one time you met their foster mother, you made her cry because you purposely wouldn't let her say goodbye...because you were so insecure about being the child's mom that you wanted to make a statement? Yikes!
Adoption is such a sensitive issue, especially when it comes to international adoption, and I think people need to tread lightly. Lightly as in, don't discount where your child came from and try to pretend they're not adopted or that they were born in America in order to overcompensate. Lightly as in, when you're hosting a documentary that includes adoptive families, don't giddily say that it was so fun seeing the babies find families that now you "want one." Or continually comment about how the babies "don't even" look like the parents...or that the babies look "more like" you.
It's been good food for thought, for sure. Even if the documentary did have me cringing, and the book had me grumbling out loud! (Does anyone else ever read/watch things that make them think and get them a little fired up? And if so, what?)