Thursday, October 07, 2010

But I have twins too!

Want to know something really, really strange?

Well, I think it's strange, anyway.

Here's the thing.

I have TWIN SONS.  Twin boys.  I've had these boys since they were 16-months-old.  So, awhile.

And yet...I don't think of myself as HAVING twins.

I never refer to them as twins.

I don't think of myself in the same category as parents of twins.


There's a mom at church with twins.  She goes to a twins playgroup.

And not only have I NEVER made the connection that we BOTH have twins, and thus share a relatively rare commonality, but I would NEVER have thought about joining a playgroup for twins.  It would never have occurred to me that one might exist.

What do people talk about at these playgroups?

What am I missing?

I have twins, but I'm not in the club!

Am I an abnormal twin-mom?  Am I SUPPOSED to think of Yosef and Biniam as twins first, human beings second? 

Is it weird that my twins are NOTHING alike, personality-wise?  Or looks-wise? Are these the sorts of things twin-moms discuss over coffee while the kids run around two-by-two?

Maybe if they were identical twins, I'd embrace this identity more.

But I just don't ever think about it.

So there it is.  Something strange for your Thursday. A neurotic mom-to-twins who never thinks about how she's a mom-to-twins.


Jeannett said...

ha! okay, so on my end, i identified VERY VERY much with being a twin mom early on. during my (twin) pregnancy. everything was so much more complicated. so much more could go wrong. i felt awful soooo much earlier. i was on bedrest. i prayed that they "bake bake bake!!!" twins, twins, twins, all the time.

then the first 6 months or so. love my girls. but. awful. worse than i can convey. so so so hard. two newborns. crying that newborn cry. double nursing. up. all. night. long. ALL NIGHT LONG. those first months were brutal. brutal. truly. at that point...twins twins twins, all the time.

now: they aren't so needy...they play...they laugh. i can toss food onto their chairs and they will feed themselves for the most part. they look nothing alike. they are night and day personality wise. developmentally in different places. everything. you know. NOW? i find myself forgetting about twins. i NEVER EVER refer to the girls as "the twins". ever. the girls. and i even told andy the other day "i forget i even have twins most days! it doesn't feel like it anymore!" i just have three kids. one boy, two girls. there is a twin group in town. when i first had the girls (see?!) i actually WANTED to go. but i was too exhausted to even consider it. figured i'd go when they got bigger. now, bleck!!! no way. never. ever. wouldn't go. weirdos!

so...maybe if your twins look more alike you get it. because then you get all the "ohhhh twins!" comments from passersby? (i got a ton of that the first few months so it help reinforce the whole twin mentality). so my point with all of this rambling is that i got "it" at one point...and now, i am firmly in your camp. :)

Jeannett said...

oh! and in my rabid research about twinhood during pregnancy i read often that adult twins when asked "what did you like least about the way you were raised?" the answer was almost always "that we were always referred to as The Twins." they liked dressing alike. they thought their parents were great. but they hated that they were always presented as a unit, not with separate identities. so, early on, i declared that no one was to refer to my girls as The Twins. (and for the record, i dont feel bad about saying "the girls" because if we have another girl someday, she'll get lumped into that category too. nothing to do with womb mates.) :)

Shonni said...

And those painted faces are the cutest!!!!

Luke said...

Interesting stuff. Something hadn't really thought about...


Shana said...

That sounds similar to my anti-adoption "stance" (for lack of a better name). Obviously I am pro-adoption - I have two adopted children. But I never go to adoption play groups, I don't read the online adoption forums, etc. I guess at some point I got burned out on it all, and just wanted to think of my kids kids.

Brianna Heldt said...

Okay Jeannett THANK YOU! :) That made me feel much, much better. By the time we got our boys, yes, "twin-ness" was not a huge deal at all. It was just like having two (three, really, if you count Anna) kids the same age. We call them "the boys". I always say that we DEFinitely skipped the difficult phase of having twins!!!

Shana I can really relate to what you wrote. I too feel a little "burned out" in some ways. These days I so want to advocate for special needs adoption, but as far as my boys go, yeah, they're my kids and I don't think about the fact that they're "adopted from Ethiopia" as often as one might think.

Amy said...

We adopted twin 3 year old girls from Ethiopia 19 months ago and I am so with you on not thinking of them at "the twins". We call them "the girls" usually. I do attending a consignment sale organized by a "multiples club" and they are always trying to get me to join, but I just don't see myself doing any of the activities with them (and don't want to pay the dues). I often forget I'm a mother to twins, usually though b/c I'm just exhausted from being a mother.

Holly said...

I have identical twin girls that grew in my tummy and I do not and have never belonged to 'the club' ;-)

are we missing something!?


nice to meet you...I found you on Becky, Tisha, Jody and Cassie's page ;-)


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