Friday, October 05, 2007

October 2004

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19

Three years ago today, Anna was coming up on 8 months old...and I was miscarrying our second baby. The baby's heart had stopped beating around 7 weeks, and I miscarried at 11 weeks, on October 5, 2004. We were so disappointed and sad--we'd been so thrilled about the idea of Anna being a big sister, of having a sibling, and already loved this little baby so much. Not to mention the fact that I was far enough along where it was really physically difficult (I opted to do it naturally), and I ended up in the ER (with Kevin and little Anna by my side) in the middle of the night. By October 5th, I'd already dealt with most of the emotions, because we'd known for awhile that I would lose the baby. Interestingly, the doctor suspected it was maybe a twin pregnancy--my hormone levels were pretty high, and he could see an extra something on the ultrasound.

Also three years ago today, on the other side of the world in a city called Nazret, a woman was in her final few weeks of pregnancy. She had her two year old daughter and her aunt with her, but that was it. Her husband had passed away, she'd lost her job as the result of the pregnancy, and she had a horrible disease that probably left her stigmatized and shamed. For a woman whose name literally means "revolution", she was probably feeling pretty helpless. Three weeks later, she gave birth to twin boys. A month and a half later, her aunt passed away, and having nowhere to turn, she signed them away at a government office. So she lost her babies, too.

I don't pretend to know why God allows tragedy, or heartbreak. I honestly can't understand why He allows for sweet babies to be lost before parents can even hug or kiss them, or why He allows some to languish in poverty, dying from a disease, unable to care for the beautiful children born to them. When Kevin and I set out to adopt, it was certainly not because I'd miscarried, or because we hadn't conceived again yet. However, had we not lost that baby, or had we conceived again right away, we wouldn't have adopted when we did, and therefore Yosef and Binaim from Nazret, Ethiopia would not be our sons.

God knew, as I lay in the cold emergency room on October 5th, 2004, that there were twin boys about to be born who needed a mother. He knew that they would spend the first 16 months of life in orphanages, that they'd first be adopted by someone else who would change their minds, that we'd be waiting for the referral of young siblings at that time. Sometimes we can't see the good that God works from our pain, but every once in awhile we get a beautiful glimpse of the ways He redeems our brokenness. I praise God for His hand in my life, and the way He promises to work all for the good of those who trust Him! I can't imagine life without Yosef and Biniam and am so blessed to call them sons. (And I look forward to someday meeting our little baby in Heaven!)

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is such an amazing and beautiful story - I had goosebumps while reading it. Thank you for giving me a nice start to the day! God himself could not have placed those boys in a more loving home. (You are a wonderful writer, too, by the way. I would love to see your story in some sort of publication...it is so uplifting.)

jen

Michelle said...

So so sweet Brianna. And I agree, you are an amazing writer, truly a gift. Enjoy your beautiful family that He has knit together:). And wow, I bet a day doesn't go by that you aren't praying for their birth-mother and I can't imagine how thankful she is in the midst of such heartache to know that her boys will be well taken care of. Wow.

dawn said...

Beautiful, heart-wrenching and amazing.

Becky said...

Wow, God is so much bigger than we are, and cares so much. He knows just what we need. He knits all thing together for good, even the pain we can't understand. Thanks for sharing:-) We all need a good cry and to be reminded of the creator of all good things! Sometimes it's just tough to see the hope in the middle of suffering. Love you!

Shana said...

Beautifully written, Brianna. As you know I can share in a lot of your emotions as our story is very similar. Praise the Lord for His almighty plan.

Joy said...

brianna--that is so amazing and it is truly wonderful to be on the other side of something and see how God orchestrated things to His glory. Thanks so much for sharing.

Jeannett Gibson said...

Most beautiful post ever.

Shannon said...

Thank you for this post. I just miscarried my first baby a little over two weeks ago and I'm still trying to make sense of it all and work through the pain.

Kelly said...

thank you for sharing your story. what a great reminder...He redeems our brokenness.
Thanks.
Kelly

Mayhem said...

What a wonderful post! Painful and beautiful both.

I've never posted about this, but Pumpkin was born on the very same day as the baby we thought would be ours but wasn't. While I was literally crying on my kitchen floor, wondering why this was happening, wondering why we had prayed for months for "the baby who's coming to us" when she wasn't coming... (Her mom decided to parent, which was totally her right, but sad for us.)

That very day, even that very moment, Pumpkin was being born and struggling for life (he was born at 31 weeks).

I don't think that adoptive families are "meant to be" in any way that suggests that God's intention was for first families to suffer poverty, or illness, or loss.

But the coincidence of the birthdays of my son and the other baby is something God uses to remind me that He is good. Even when I don't see it right now, He is GOOD all the time.

Thanks for sharing your story (and sorry to hijack your comments!), and I'm sorry for the loss of your second baby.

S. said...

Totally beautiful. Thank you.

Lara said...

I love that verse in Isaiah! Thanks so much for sharing this story. My heart is broken right now for the boy's birth mom. But seeing a little bit of the bigger picture, of God's sovereignty, makes me so hopeful. I believe with all my heart that God will bring goodness out of even the most tragic situations, but it's still so encouraging to see that truth first hand in your lives.

Chatter said...

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful, emotional, post.

Rachel said...

I was reflecting this week how our little baby would be turning one this month (my due date was the 26th). I don't have a precise miscarriage date, because it really drug out over two weeks, I just know it was over Easter, and Ainsley was born at the same time a year later redeeming all of April for me. God is so good, even in our trials.

Kate said...

you have such a way with words...praise God for His faithfulness!

graceling said...

Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts about our great God. I am just starting out on my Ethiopian adoption journey, and this really touched my heart.

God Bless!

Angel said...

Just beautiful. Angel

MG said...

Thank you so much for posting so honestly about this. My heart needed to hear your story this morning! I m/c a much prayed-for baby nearly two years ago, which kick-started our adoption efforts once again. Now, as I sit waiting for "The Call," I am struggling to remind myself that God knew on the day that our beloved little baby went home to Him that He was indeed doing something for the good of us all.

 

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