October 2004

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

Three years ago today, Anna was coming up on 8 months old...and I was miscarrying our second baby. The baby's heart had stopped beating around 7 weeks, and I miscarried at 11 weeks, on October 5, 2004. We were so disappointed and sad--we'd been so thrilled about the idea of Anna being a big sister, of having a sibling, and already loved this little baby so much. Not to mention the fact that I was far enough along where it was really physically difficult (I opted to do it naturally), and I ended up in the ER (with Kevin and little Anna by my side) in the middle of the night. By October 5th, I'd already dealt with most of the emotions, because we'd known for awhile that I would lose the baby. Interestingly, the doctor suspected it was maybe a twin pregnancy--my hormone levels were pretty high, and he could see an extra something on the ultrasound.

Also three years ago today, on the other side of the world in a city called Nazret, a woman was in her final few weeks of pregnancy. She had her two year old daughter and her aunt with her, but that was it. Her husband had passed away, she'd lost her job as the result of the pregnancy, and she had a horrible disease that probably left her stigmatized and shamed. For a woman whose name literally means "revolution", she was probably feeling pretty helpless. Three weeks later, she gave birth to twin boys. A month and a half later, her aunt passed away, and having nowhere to turn, she signed them away at a government office. So she lost her babies, too.

I don't pretend to know why God allows tragedy, or heartbreak. I honestly can't understand why He allows for sweet babies to be lost before parents can even hug or kiss them, or why He allows some to languish in poverty, dying from a disease, unable to care for the beautiful children born to them. When Kevin and I set out to adopt, it was certainly not because I'd miscarried, or because we hadn't conceived again yet. However, had we not lost that baby, or had we conceived again right away, we wouldn't have adopted when we did, and therefore Yosef and Binaim from Nazret, Ethiopia would not be our sons.

God knew, as I lay in the cold emergency room on October 5th, 2004, that there were twin boys about to be born who needed a mother. He knew that they would spend the first 16 months of life in orphanages, that they'd first be adopted by someone else who would change their minds, that we'd be waiting for the referral of young siblings at that time. Sometimes we can't see the good that God works from our pain, but every once in awhile we get a beautiful glimpse of the ways He redeems our brokenness. I praise God for His hand in my life, and the way He promises to work all for the good of those who trust Him! I can't imagine life without Yosef and Biniam and am so blessed to call them sons. (And I look forward to someday meeting our little baby in Heaven!)