Kaitlyn's health...again

Okay so a few days ago Kaitlyn broke out in yet ANOTHER bacterial skin infection (number four, to be exact, but who's really counting anymore?) We met with the immunologist yesterday to go over her bloodwork, and her immune system is healthy as can be! She's developed amazing responses to the vaccines so it would appear that it's not an immunological disorder. I expressed my frustration with the whole mess and he was totally understanding, but did say he thinks very highly of our pediatrician (who he knows) and said he'd send his kids to him if they were young. He also said that he knows that "Joe" (funny to hear your doctor referred to by their first name) will know the right thing to do. That made me feel a LITTLE better.

After our appointment with him we headed to our pediatrician "Joe's" office where he took a culture (hooray)--we'll hear back in a few days. He recommended a special soap to put in her bathtub and we talked about antibiotics, etc. The danger with these skin infections is ultimately if it gets inside her body--into her GI tract, etc. (people have recently been in the news for dying from a MRSA infection.) He seemed to know a lot about antibiotics and said that methicillin-resistant staph often basically have to be blasted with combinations of antibiotics to get rid of it. He put Kaitlyn on some strong stuff and for a longer duration, so we'll see. Meanwhile she's happy as a clam and seemingly unphased by the whole thing (until you go to change her diaper or give her a bath, then she cries and wants to itch, poor thing.) I hate that she has to be on antibiotics in the first place, but MRSA is a huge deal and it's not something to mess around with.

Lately I've found myself completely exhausted, emotionally drained, and weary of this whole thing. I sometimes find that I'm angry with myself for not being able to make it go away; it's like, I'm her mother and I'm supposed to protect her! But she is so happy and full of energy these days, and that makes me feel hopeful and encouraged. I was just telling Kevin today that she is so just "one of the kids" now, playing in the toy basket, cruising all over the house. It's hilarious! She can also pull herself up to standing, though remains unable to get into a sitting position--quite interesting. She's loving solid foods these days, but still loves to nurse too, so I'm not too sad.

I'll be sure to post an update when the results come back. Thanks to all who've been praying for my sweet baby girl--this has been (and continues to be) a long road, and I know God will use it for good in the end. I confess that entrusting my children to Him is really difficult for me, but He is faithful and loves my kids more than I can imagine.

Normal

Since very early on in the adoption process I somehow (not remembering how!) started getting to know Shelley. It's been so neat seeing their family grow, reading their blog and emailing back and forth (except I don't have as much time for either these days!) I love knowing there's another young, big family out there and that we're not alone. :) Anyway I read this post today and it captures so much of what I think and feel.

Somedays I just wish I could be normal

Iraq's children

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.---James 3:17-18

I believe I'm a Christian first, and American (a distant) second. Lately I've felt terribly sad that so many Iraqi men, women, and especially children have been maimed, killed, and displaced on account of actions my country has taken. I don't care to debate whether we should be there or not (honestly I have no clue, if I did I guess I'd be working at the pentagon or as an advisor to the president!). However, I feel terrible that our Iraqi brothers and sisters are suffering and scarcely anyone mentions them. For some reason I get the impression that it's unpatriotic or unChristian to care about people from Iraq.

As Christians I think Christ compels us to care, and to love, and to remember that the kingdom of God looks and works differently from anything here on earth. In God's kingdom, we love our enemies, love our neighbors, give food and drink to those who need it regardless who they are or what they believe.

World Vision has worked in Iraq for some time. They have put together these videos that I hope you'll take the time to watch. What an opportunity the church has right now, to reach out and bridge the gap between Christian and Muslim, rich and poor, to put Jesus' love into action. Anyway, please watch these clips and pray for these children (and maybe consider contributing towards Iraqi relief efforts!)

http://www.iraqichildrentrapped.org/

Trick or treat

Another Halloween has come and gone. This year we continued our Heldt family tradition of making and decorating Halloween cookies. Oh, and eating them of course!

On Halloween night the Gibsons (including ADORABLE baby Henry in his sweet bear costume) and my parents came over for pizza and trick-or-treating. So fun! It felt kind of chaotic wrestling four kids into costumes, but was of course totally worth it--our kids had a blast! Anna just could not get enough of the trick-or-treating. She loved ringing the doorbells. My dad did a great job of helping Yosef and Biniam navigate the festivities.

Then we returned home, candy in hand, to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown." A good time was had by all!

Ahoy mateys!

Gearing up for Yosef and Biniam's birthday party this Friday night--they just turned three on October 28th. We're having a pirate party and our kids are SO excited! Every day Anna asks, "Is the pirate party tonight?" In spite of the fact that I waited WAY too long to mail out invitations, people are actually coming and I'm really looking forward to it. It'll be extra festive because people are coming dressed as pirates if they want to.

I really wanted sweet Kaitlyn to have something "pirate-ish" to wear but couldn't find anything, so I bought these great iron-on transfers at Michaels and ironed a big skull/crossbones onto a long-sleeved white onesie. Would have turned out perfect, except my iron has steam holes on it! I read all of the instructions (which were rather extensive) but it said nothing about that. (I'd never done transfers before, obviously.) SO FRUSTRATING, but hopefully she'll still look okay--I think I'm going to try to doctor it up a little. It's just on the black part.

I've had fun finding stuff to put in the goody bags, like temporary tattoos, gaudy rings, and other assorted loot for kids. My kids' parties are always just big get-togethers at our home--I don't plan games or structured activities at this point. I figure kids this little just like to eat food and run around. I realize this may have the potential to be boring, but my kids always seem to have fun. I also like to do evening parties, because my kids are pretty much exhausted if it's close to nap-time.

Anyhow that's what I've been up to lately. I'll post Halloween pics sometime soon, too. We've been enjoying these yummy Halloween funfetti cupcakes that I made for the kids this past weekend (what is it about boxed cakemix/frosting that tastes so good?! The frosting is actually orange...food photography is not my strong suit!)

Were you in the Santa Maria Macy's today?

If so, then maybe you saw me make a complete idiot out of myself!

The "up" escalator was out of order, so I had to take the yucky elevator to the second floor (in hopes of finding some Martha Stewart muffin pans.) Well, when I was ready to leave I got on the "down" escalator (which WAS working) and as I started going down, I noticed the big Martha Stewart emblem above some Christmas stuff that I hadn't seen yet. I love looking at her things and I thought, how hard can it be, I'll just go up the four or five steps of the "down" escalator (as opposed to riding all the way down, hiking back to the elevator, etc.) AND I FELL. My shoe and purse went flying, I somehow managed to scramble up and grab them, and kept pressing on towards that dang Martha Stewart sign. I think I stumbled again (it's all a blur to me now), but somehow I managed to make it up and quickly dashed over to hide behind some merchandise. No one saw me, thank goodness!

Needless to say I'm completely sore--my hand and legs got scraped up, my ankles hurt, and I seriously think I nearly lost a toenail. I guess that's what they mean when they say, "shop till you drop!" (Also needless to say, I really enjoy Martha's line at Macy's--perhaps a little too much.)

Pre-Halloween fun

Thursday night we got the kids into their costumes and went up to Farmer's Market in SLO. On the Thursday before Halloween they have fun stuff for the kids to do--carnival games (that are actually geared towards toddlers), trick-or-treating at the different stores, huge pumpkins to sit on, etc. It was so fun seeing all the little kids all dressed up, and our kids had a blast! (Anna even randomly wanted her picture taken with these two ladies dressed as witches--I couldn't believe it!)

We ended the evening with a stop at Country Culture for some pumpkin frozen yogurt--yum! I miss living in SLO!!!

A girl and her brothers

Another day, another co-pay...

Today we headed to Kaitlyn's regular pediatrician to see what he thought about her current infection. We're about done with this round of antibiotics and it's just not looking good enough, so I took her (along with her brothers and sister) in. The doctor agreed with me and we talked about what the immunologist said. Our doctor concurred with the specialist in that he too suspects she's been colonized by the lovely MRSA. He prescribed the antibiotic that should clear that one up, gave me some free anti-fungal cream to put on the rash, and said if this doesn't work we'll return for more invasive testing. We talked about taking a culture and I said the immunologist recommends one. Dr. Nunez didn't want to do that today, even when I pressed him on it, because he said either way she needs this antibiotic, and we'll test further if this doesn't work. (He acted like it was invasive or something, I don't know.)

I guess lots of people have resistant Staph on their skin and it never ends up infecting anything, but the elderly, immune-compromised, and newborn babies are more susceptible. Antibiotic-resistant bacteria run rampant in hospitals (due to all the antibiotics used there) and I honestly have to wonder if she picked it up in the hospital when she was born. (I can just hear all the homebirth proponents saying, "I told you so...." Of course, there's no way to know. One of us could be a carrier.)

At any rate I'm hopeful about the new medicine, anxious to get the bloodwork results back, and especially anxious for my daughter to be restored to full health--for the first time in 7 months.

Immunology visit

Yesterday I took Kaitlyn to see a pediatric immunology specialist--who, incidentally, was interviewed on KSBY last night (the crew showed up shortly before I left, heehee!)

He was concerned about Kaitlyn's recurring infections. He was frustrated/baffled that the pediatricians have not once taken a culture. He ordered a bunch of bloodwork to check her T-cells, to see how her body's responded to vaccines (which would be a good indication of how her immune system responds to illness), etc. He said it sounds like she probably either has a congenital immune disorder, or that somehow her skin was colonized by bad bacteria and she has it on her skin all the time. Neither of those possibilities sounds particularly encouraging to me.

The doctor himself was WONDERFUL. He spent so much time with us, just listening to me, thinking about what it could be, explaining things, etc. After we were done there, we went to the lab where I had to hold poor Kaitlyn down while they pricked her arms and finally got a vein to draw blood. It was awful. She was screaming and crying and I was fighting the tears myself.

We should have bloodwork results within a week, and I'm taking Kaitlyn to the regular pediatrician tomorrow to ask for a culture, and find out why her infection/rash is still not completely healed. I feel tired...I'm so anxious to get some definitive answers, and more than that I'm hoping Kaitlyn can be well.

My littlest girl is a gift from the Lord, and I'm so grateful He's given her to me!

Elementary school revisited

Some things I wanted to be "when I grew up":

--lawyer
--journalist
--psychologist

Music I listened to:

--New Kids on the Block
--Vanilla Ice
--Wilson Phillips
--MC Hammer
--Garth Brooks
--Reba McEntire

Stuff I wore:

--Neon colors
--Turtlenecks
--Acid-washed jeans w/ zippers and bows on the legs
--Leggings+big sweaters

Movies I watched:

--The Neverending Story
--Gremlins
--3 Ninjas
--The Goonies

Books I loved:
--The Babysitters Club

Halloween costumes:
--bride
--ballerina
--cheerleader
--pirate
--Steve Urkel (don't ask)
--hippie

Places I loved to go:
--Flippo's (is it not so sad that this place finally closed down?!)
--Wet Seal
--Taco Bell
--Creston pool (Marco Polo, anyone?)
--Friends' houses

Extracurricular activities:
--Band (I played a mean clarinet--hehe)
--4-H

Cool stuff I owned:
--Trapperkeeper (w/ kittens on it)
--Teddy Ruxpin
--Barbies

Here we go again...

Just got home from taking Kaitlyn to the doctor, where they confirmed that she is in the midst of her THIRD bacterial infection. (Considering the fact that she's only 7 months old, that's insane. The doctors can't even believe it.) So more antibiotics, and a referral to an immunologist to find out what the heck is wrong with her immune system.

I'm so exhausted from dealing with her constant infections. I feel so helpless in that I can't just magically make them go away, and that she keeps getting them. I feel hopeful about seeing the immunologist, but at the same time afraid of what they'll find. Being born with an immune disorder is kind of a big deal.

Soooooo, that was today. I'm keenly aware today of the fact that God knows, and I don't, and that my kids truly are in His hands!

Random Thursday musings

I have really been un-inspired to blog lately! I guess I'm fresh out of ideas, and I hate to post something just to post. (If anyone out there has any post ideas for me, let me know, I could use them. :)) Here are some random thoughts for the day, inspired by my friend Lisa, and some pics of my kids, I guess because I think they're cute. :) That's Anna the day we bought her that rocking chair at a yard sale, and the other is of Yosef, Kaitlyn and Biniam laying under our coffee table. That little girl LOVES her big brothers!

--I've been physically/emotionally exhausted lately b/c Kaitlyn's getting two new teeth (up top), and has been really fussy.

--I use "natural consequences" with the kids, and so today we were really late to the library program because Anna was refusing to pick up her room. Fortunately she still made it in time to hear a story and see a video. She told me next week she'll be sure to clean up sooner.

--Autumn makes me want to live in New England.

--Okay, I've always wanted to live in New England. (My dad was born in Boston and then lived in New Hampshire for awhile, so maybe it's a Perruzzi thing.)

--No one can keep our boys' names straight in their Sunday School class. Joseph, Josiah, Benny, Benian...We've put their names right on the sign in sheet, and have even made a point to correct people, but to no avail. Maybe we should just change the names!

--Why were movies made in the 1980's so cheesily dramatic? I found myself trying not to laugh recently during really sad parts of "Philadelphia" because of the ridiculous music playing. (Good/interesting movie by the way. And who doesn't love Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington?)

--I hope Kevin finishes the book he's reading right now so I can start reading it. ("Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt" by Anne Rice.)

--When I think about Britney Spears' kids being taken away from her, it makes me sad.

--Sunday night I made fish for my in-laws and it turned out horrible. Oops.

--Lately I wish I had some sort of creative outlet but alas, I am just not very creative.

--People don't seem as surprised by my gaggle of children in Costco as in other places--maybe because we're all in a huge warehouse surrounded by food sold in bulk (?)

--Did anyone else catch Oprah yesterday? Nate Berkus is great.

--I recently signed up for Google Reader and find it very useful.

--I really enjoy our growth group.

--I'd like to become better at entertaining. Anytime people are over I worry constantly about if they're having a good time, if they hate the food, etc.

--I'm so looking forward to going to sweet Lily's party this weekend!

--I'm a pretty shy person and I think I give off a negative first-impression. I also think I may be hard to get to know. (I'm also pretty self-reflective, if you haven't noticed.)

--Housework is hard with four little ones! I wonder when and how often other moms clean.

--I love being bestest friends with my husband. I so enjoy spending time with him.

--Looking forward to an hour of "The Office" tonight!

--Someday I think I might enjoy being a freelance writer.

--I went into one of those random temporary "Halloween stores" today to look for a small plastic axe, and there was some seriously scary stuff in there!!! (But sadly, no small plastic axe. Maybe that's for the best, as I don't know how much restraint my little Tin Man would be able to show!)

--Anytime I'm at the library in the Children's Room, I feel all excited about my kids learning to read and going to school. Getting to see kids excited about learning and building confidence and self-esteem is pretty neat. I can't believe that next year is Anna's last year before Kindergarten!

October 2004

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

Three years ago today, Anna was coming up on 8 months old...and I was miscarrying our second baby. The baby's heart had stopped beating around 7 weeks, and I miscarried at 11 weeks, on October 5, 2004. We were so disappointed and sad--we'd been so thrilled about the idea of Anna being a big sister, of having a sibling, and already loved this little baby so much. Not to mention the fact that I was far enough along where it was really physically difficult (I opted to do it naturally), and I ended up in the ER (with Kevin and little Anna by my side) in the middle of the night. By October 5th, I'd already dealt with most of the emotions, because we'd known for awhile that I would lose the baby. Interestingly, the doctor suspected it was maybe a twin pregnancy--my hormone levels were pretty high, and he could see an extra something on the ultrasound.

Also three years ago today, on the other side of the world in a city called Nazret, a woman was in her final few weeks of pregnancy. She had her two year old daughter and her aunt with her, but that was it. Her husband had passed away, she'd lost her job as the result of the pregnancy, and she had a horrible disease that probably left her stigmatized and shamed. For a woman whose name literally means "revolution", she was probably feeling pretty helpless. Three weeks later, she gave birth to twin boys. A month and a half later, her aunt passed away, and having nowhere to turn, she signed them away at a government office. So she lost her babies, too.

I don't pretend to know why God allows tragedy, or heartbreak. I honestly can't understand why He allows for sweet babies to be lost before parents can even hug or kiss them, or why He allows some to languish in poverty, dying from a disease, unable to care for the beautiful children born to them. When Kevin and I set out to adopt, it was certainly not because I'd miscarried, or because we hadn't conceived again yet. However, had we not lost that baby, or had we conceived again right away, we wouldn't have adopted when we did, and therefore Yosef and Binaim from Nazret, Ethiopia would not be our sons.

God knew, as I lay in the cold emergency room on October 5th, 2004, that there were twin boys about to be born who needed a mother. He knew that they would spend the first 16 months of life in orphanages, that they'd first be adopted by someone else who would change their minds, that we'd be waiting for the referral of young siblings at that time. Sometimes we can't see the good that God works from our pain, but every once in awhile we get a beautiful glimpse of the ways He redeems our brokenness. I praise God for His hand in my life, and the way He promises to work all for the good of those who trust Him! I can't imagine life without Yosef and Biniam and am so blessed to call them sons. (And I look forward to someday meeting our little baby in Heaven!)

Halloween anticipation

Okay it's been a really long time since I've posted anything! I guess we've been busy, but mostly I can't really think of anything to blog about.

I'm excited that Halloween is coming up. I LOVE dressing up my kids in their costumes, watching "Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin", eating candy and drinking hot apple cider. (Fall has always been my favorite season.) This year, my kids are going as characters from Anna's favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz. Anna's going as Dorothy, Yosef's the Tin Man, Biniam's the Scarecrow, and Kaitlyn's the Lion. So far I have Anna's costume, but none of the others. I better get on it!

Last year we went to the church harvest festival but this year I think we'll be trick-or-treating! My kids love ringing doorbells so I figure they'll have a blast.

I'm also looking forward to continuing the tradition we started last year of making and decorating Halloween cookies. The kids had SO MUCH fun and so did we. I'm also hoping to make it to a pumpkin patch to choose some pumpkins and then also carve them.

I'm not a very creative person, but I do enjoy doing festive things for the different holidays. What Halloween/Fall traditions do you have???