My inspiration

As you can see I have settled on a new name for my blog and also changed up the template/colors. I figured it was more than time for a change and I wanted a title that reflected something about my life (the fact that it's about the Heldt family is really a given!)

When Kevin and I were first married we lived in Santa Barbara and attended a great church. One Sunday there was a special guest speaker giving the sermon, Gary Haugen (that's a picture of him.) We'd never heard of this guy before but he is the head/founder of International Justice Mission (IJM.) His talk profoundly touched and changed our lives. (Before founding IJM this guy was the attorney that led the United States' investigation of the Rwandan genocide. Insane.)

For probably the first time ever we began to care about and grieve over what was happening to young girls in Cambodia and to the millions of hungry people in Africa. For the first time our eyes were opened to the fact that God calls US (as in you and me) to seek justice, help the oppressed, care for the widows and orphans.

One of Gary's main points was, God wants us to "show up." He'll work the miracles, He'll provide a way, we need to just allow Him to use us to do it. This really stuck with us. Crazy to think that as the result of this guy speaking at our church our lives are different today.

We just recently watched this DVD (thanks Troy and Becky!) that followed Sara Groves' trips to Rwanda and also to the area devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Incidentally she has a song called "Just Showed Up" that really resonates with me. I'll post more about that another time.

THUS the new title of my blog. I don't want to sit idly by, I want my life to reflect the love and beauty of Jesus. I want our family to have the faith, conviction and courage to show up.

So uncool

Okay so I am completely "out of the loop" on a lot of popular things. (My dad is a 6th grade teacher and will ask if I've heard of such-and-such band or some rapper his students like and I will never have heard of them. This makes me feel old!)

WELL, yesterday afternoon after getting home from church, eating lunch and putting the kids down for naps I went out to Target and Kohls. Kohls was having a big shoe sale and there were all these shoes with skulls on them! I've seen these skulls on clothes before and I'm wondering, why skulls? Does anyone know what the deal is? Are these "in" right now or something?

Hopefully someone can put this mystery to rest for me!

Bear with me

I'm trying to spruce up my blog a bit (Kristen how are you adding multiple pics to the sidebar? Are there ways to do other custom stuff?) and yes even changing the title. Once I settle on something for sure (I'm thinking this is it but a girl can change her mind!) I'll explain because I'm sure it seems random at the moment. :)

(But not to worry, even with the appearance/title of my blog changing you can still expect the same quality programming...hehe.)

Big brothers (and the mundane goings-on of life)

So it's pretty crazy to me that Yosef and Biniam, who have for the last year filled the role of "little brothers" around here, now also hold the title of "big brothers"! They love Kaitlyn and can't get enough of holding her or kissing her.

Last night Kevin rented "Pirates of the Carribbean 2." I was kind of disappointed because I wasn't that interested in seeing the movie and I'd hoped to get to do something together since tonight he's not going to be home. I was also bummed because had I known that's what was going down, I would have gone to the "ladies salad supper" at church last night (sorry Becky!), which I'd decided against originally because I was tired and just wanted to relax with Kevin. Oh well. For anyone who went, who gave the talk? I always have a good time at these (and I love salad).

SO, instead I got caught up on laundry (we have tons of that around here!) and finished a really good book, "Letters to Malcolm, Chiefly on Prayer" by CS Lewis. (Kevin enjoyed the movie and cuddled with Kaitlyn the whole time, which was so cute.) Not sure what I'll read next. I finally gave up on "Desiring God" by John Piper because I just couldn't get into it. I figure life's too short to read books you're not wanting to read! (Oh and in Kevin's defense, lest you think he only rents movies he wants to see, he also rented us "Akeelah and the Bee" which I've been wanting to see since it came out.)

This morning my mom and dad came over to (fight over who got to) hold the baby. :) The kids had a blast wearing Grandpa's big shoes and baseball cap and having Grandma read to them. My parents spent some time in downtown SLO on their way down and brought the kids (and us) some yummy bread from The House of Bread.

Tonight Kevin is taking Anna on a date to go see the Christian band "Downhere", who's performing at our church. He and I saw them back when we were engaged and they're pretty good. Anyway our little girl is sooooooooooooo excited to be going on a special date to a concert with her daddy (and he is excited too!) What will I do at home with two rowdy boys and an infant? Not too sure yet.

No big plans for the rest of the week. I'm wanting to call the Santa Maria library soon to find out if they offer a weekly story-time for little kids. I'd like to be able to at least occasionally do this with the kids, or at least with Anna, who I know would enjoy it. The boys, not too sure if they'd have a long enough attention span. We'll see.

Anyway, that is my random blog for the day! (I hope your cold gets better soon David! :) )

Home alone (with four children)

So Kevin's been holed up in our office/guestroom for the last two weeks working from home--and today he returned to his hour-plus commute and to his actual place of work. For me this meant my first full day with all four kids to take care of by myself!

I was a little nervous about how things would go. But God never ceases to be faithful, gracious and full of mercy! Today went WONDERFULLY! For one thing, Kaitlyn sleeps during the time that the kids and I are getting up, which is GREAT because this is really when the bulk of my day's work has to be done--making the beds/baths/lotion/clothes/breakfast/unloading and loading the dishwasher. To be honest, it didn't really feel like my workload increased all that much. Another big worry I had was that I would just feel so tired, due to the fact that I'm not getting a full night's sleep anymore. But God apparently is getting me through that too because I DID feel like I had energy today, and Kaitlyn is only waking up a couple times a night now to nurse.

Every time we've added a child to our family, I have worried that I wouldn't be able to do it, and have half-jokingly asked Kevin "What have I gotten myself into?" I think God must just shake his head and wonder why I have such a hard time trusting Him with the immense blessings He's given me.

Having Kaitlyn has been a huge reminder to me that a child is a gift from God. Each of our children has been placed in our arms by the Lord. I think of that term "family planning" and I know without a doubt that God has planned our family and will continue to do so. I'm so grateful for my kids and for the strength and grace God gives us to carry out the plans He has for us!

(Here are a couple of pictures taken in the first days home with Kaitlyn. The one with me in the green shirt cracks me up because this is what it's like any time the poor baby needs to eat, all the kids want to be near her. It's rather unfortunate because it looks like Biniam is reaching for my, uh, shirt--I have no clue what he was doing! I like the second picture of just me and little Katie Jane, because I think it is indicative of how I'm feeling these days--sleepy but happy. :) )

(Oh and I'll continue with my labor/delivery story soon. I'm slightly bitter because I did the whole next installment, complete with pictures, and Blogger trashed it! Grrrrrrr! But soon. I promise. :) )

The Heldts go to court

Well I am pleased to announce that as of this morning, thanks to the Santa Barbara County Superior Court, Yosef and Biniam are legally, once-and-for-all our sons-! FINALLY! Hooray!
We had our court hearing at 8:30 a.m. this morning at the courthouse here in Santa Maria (now how many children can say their adoption was finalized at the same courthouse that the infamous Michael Jackson trial was held at? Hehe). We arrived to a huge crowd of people waiting outside the courtroom. Apparently everyone goes inside, and the judge calls each group up individually to hear their case. We were all packed in there like sardines.

The bailiff (this was SO out of Judge Judy!) then told everyone to remain seated as the judge, fully wearing the robe and everything, walked out and took his seat, and announced that court was in session! This was very exciting. Then the judge made the announcement that the adoption cases would be saved until the end (they're confidential so the room has to be empty when each one is heard.) WHAT?! How on earth were we supposed to keep an infant, a 3 year old, and two 2 year olds happy and quiet during all of these cases?!

Fortunately a man (presumably a lawyer who knew the ropes) sitting in front of us said we could wait out in the hall and they'd call us in when it was our turn. So we did that and were finally called back in. (I was a bit bummed I wouldn't get to hear all of the cases, as I find these things interesting.)

Now it was VERY exciting because we got to sit up at the table. Then we had to be sworn in! We had to stand and hold up our right hand and repeat after the clerk (I'm telling you this made my day). The judge asked some questions and then pronounced that it was in the childrens' best interest to be placed with us, and pronounced them our sons! (Sadly, no slam of the gavel). Then we went up to have our picture taken with the judge. Anna and Biniam were terrified of him.
So that was our day in court. We even got to see the bailiff boot someone out of the courtroom--a 20 month old boy (from Guatemala), for screaming and crying. (That last picture is of us with the judge!)

Labor begins

So last Wednesday began like any other day (get up, eat breakfast, get the kids up and dressed and fed.) My friend Lindsey and one of her sweet little girls came by briefly to pick up her maternity clothes that I'd been borrowing. It was a beautiful day and I wasn't feeling too well, though I really couldn't put my finger on why (guess I just figured it was because I was 9 months pregnant!), so the kids and I hung out in the backyard all morning, until naptime. I tried to take a nap but couldn't. By late afternoon I was having contractions 4 minutes apart, but these contractions were just in the front, which they say is false labor. Kevin kept asking if he should come home, but I assured him it was nothing.

My dad called me in the afternoon to ask me if I could do what I could to go into labor because he had a meeting at 4 pm he was not wanting to go to. I said I'd do my best.

Wednesday evenings we have a biblestudy here with two other couples. I started heating up some leftover spaghetti for the kids' dinner and began to sweep and mop the floor. I was still contracting every 4 minutes (like clockwork) but it was still just in the front. At around 5:30 p.m. I thought maybe my water had broken or was leaking or something. I went to the bathroom and pretty much confirmed these findings. I called our cell phone that Kevin was carrying (he was still on his commute home from work), which he did not answer. Sweet. Left a sarcastic message about how great it was that he's been taking the cell in case I go into labor, and got the kids in their seats, and got them their dinner. Called Kevin again, this time he answered, and alerted him to the situation. (He'd be home in a half hour.) Then I called my parents, who also have a biblestudy on Wednesday nights, to tell them I was pretty sure this was the real deal and asking them to come. Sadly they had to boot out their biblestudy. AND sadly, my dad wasn't able to use my labor to get out of his meeting.

I finished sweeping and mopping, Kevin got home, and we decided to just haul the kids with us to the hospital and have my parents pick them up from there once they got down here (they live an hour away from us.) We got them loaded in the car, I finished packing my bag, and Kevin taunted me to no end when I insisted on tidying up the house, picking up the kids' dinner mess, and washing the kids' high chair trays. I told him I couldn't have things in disarray when people are coming over! We also notified our friends that biblestudy was cancelled.

Finally we set out for the "hostipal" as Anna calls it. By this point the contractions were hurting a little and were clearly more than Braxton Hicks. (The above picture is of me right before we left for the esteemed Marian Medical Center.) To be continued...

I'm still here

Okay sorry for the long blogging hiatus! I have become one of "those" bloggers that just disappears for weeks at a time!

Needless to say I've been "busy"--apparently newborns nurse rather frequently and wake up multiple times at night! :) I am just plain exhausted but so head-over-heels in love with little Katie Jane! I am seriously in awe of the fact that God formed her so perfectly inside of me, she is just too precious! (Actually a major reason I haven't been blogging is Kevin's been working from home, therefore using the computer for 9 hours a day.)

It's really strange giving birth because you go from having been pregnant (for 9 months!) to not being pregnant and having a baby. I was so anxious to not be pregnant anymore, but now I feel a weird sort of loss not being pregnant--like it's a little sad. I miss feeling Kaitlyn moving inside of me, etc. Rather strange. Giving birth and having a newborn also make me want to do this about ten more times, which I know is insane because (in addition to being utterly exhausted right now) just two weeks ago I had completely sworn off the whole having children naturally thing--pregnancy is hard work! But there's something really magical about the whole thing once you deliver that wrinkly, cuddly little baby.

Anyway I'm wanting to blog/post pictures of the whole labor/delivery/hospital experience, of the kids meeting their new baby sister (sooooooo priceless), and of this sweet onesie I bought for Kaitlyn several weeks ago (as a means of induction into the crazy Heldt family), so stay tuned and don't give up on this sleepy blogger!

Kaitlyn Jane

...arrived last night, March 7, at 11:28 pm. She weighed 7 lbs, 12.6 oz, (get this) the EXACT same weight as Anna when she was born. To the tenth! She was 20 inches long.

Brianna did so great, and I got to be so proud of her all over again. Kaitlyn is precious, and it was hard to leave the hospital when I finally got booted at about 3 am this morning. I am so looking forward to introducing her to her older brothers and sister later today.

Thank you everyone for your support, well wishes, and patience as you checked in each day to find out which of these silly due dates would be the right one!

And Kaitlyn, welcome to our world, little one...

Is this it?

So I THINK my water broke and we are about to embark on a Heldt family (yes, all five, soon to be six, of us!) trip to the hospital. I've been having regular contractions all afternoon but I didn't want to cry wolf again. However they're getting more painful and like I said I think my water broke. I will spare the readers the details of why I think it broke. :)

Maybe I'm crying wolf again, maybe not. Kev got home from work about 20 minutes ago. My parents are on their way and will retrieve the three littlest Heldts from the hospital and bring them back here.

More soon. Kids are loaded in the car and Biniam is having a meltdown. Go labor!

Non update

Still no labor, contractions, water breaking, or baby to speak of. (Well there's a baby of course, or so they tell me, but she remains on the inside.) Had my check-up yesterday. Fluid levels were good, heartbeat was good. This was like the third week in a row of no weight gain and I'm not measuring any larger either. This should mean it's close. How close? I don't know. But hopefully very, very soon!

So if you're at the OB/GYN...

and you're lying flat on your back having fetal heart monitoring done...

and they leave the room for several minutes...

and you start feeling light-headed and dizzy...

and you think you're going to throw up...

and you get overheated and your face gets really clammy...

and you're about to pass out...

and you manage to look over and see that your baby's heart rate has dropped EXTREMELY low...

Then you would be me today. Yes indeed, I had a bit of an "episode" at the doctor's. Turns out there's some huge artery between your uterus and spine, and if you're lying on your back and your baby decides to lay just right, it can press on the artery and cause your blood pressure to either sky-rocket or drop really, really low. Mine dropped really low. It was extremely scary, I had no clue what was going on. The girl came to check on me and hurried out to get the nurse practitioner, who then had me roll onto my side and I started feeling better, and the baby's heart rate went back up. THEN I had to be hooked up to the monitor for several more minutes so they could monitor the baby's "recovery."

Shouldn't they warn patients about this when they have them laying on their back unattended for so long during a test like this? And who is this kid, trying to cut off my blood supply?!

Other than that, I'm good. :) My revised due date based on ultrasound has always been March 8th, which is mathematically too late because of when I got a positive pregnancy test result. Between February 19th and March 5th is the right window I think. SO it should be soon, though I've been saying that for awhile. The nurse today said the baby is probably about six pounds now.

So that is all. Thankful things are okay and that I've got a rockin' husband who's willing to work from (our crazy) home, greet me with a big hug when I come through the door, feed the kids lunch and put them down for naps, and make me a quesadilla when I'm hungry. He makes everything all better!!!

Money and adoption

Friday morning as I sat with Yosef and Biniam waiting for their doctor's appointment, a medical assistant for the pediatric dental office was taking her lunch break on a bench next to us. She was probably in her mid to late forties. She began asking me about the kids, and it came up that the boys are from Ethiopia (I don't generally just offer this information at random, but she asked if I had other children and how old they were, and Anna's only 8 months older than them.)

Then she was asking some typical adoption questions: how long the process took, was it difficult, and how much it costs. I answered her questions, including the one about the cost, trying to keep it generalized. She said "Wow, that's a lot. You must have a lot of money to be able to do that." I suddenly felt REALLY awkward (and desperately wanted to invite her out to the parking lot to check out my car.) I told her that you DON'T have to be wealthy to adopt, that you don't have to have tons of cash just sitting around to do this, etc.

Anyhow I think it IS a common misconception that you have to be really well-off (by American standards) to complete an adoption. So I am posting about this in case anyone out in blogland worries that they aren't ever going to be in a financial position to do this.

--For one thing, there is something called the federal adoption tax credit. For each child you adopt, you get five years to take $10,000 right off the taxes you pay (this goes into effect the year the adoption is finalized.) Go government! Also, many employers offer subsidies to employees who adopt. SO, if you are able to pay the money as you go through the process, quite a large chunk of it can come back to you later (again, the year the adoption is finalized.)

--There are lots of grants available out there, generally based on income. Google is a great way to locate these. Also, I know our adoption agency offers grants through what they call the Grace Fund to families adopting harder-to-place children (older and special needs children basically.) You can also get adoption loans through banks.

--You don't pay all at once. The thing is, you are paying for all the steps of the process, NOT the child. The child's case goes to court in their birth country, a lawyer represents you, you pay to travel/have the child escorted home, our own country requires you to have some pretty pricey fingerprints taken, the list goes on. You pay throughout the process as you go.

--Finally (and most importantly), I REALLY believe that God will bless our efforts if we step out in faith to do His work. I really do. I'm not advocating reckless spending or mindlessly going into something. BUT I believe that the Lord will provide a way. Very few people will look at the total cost for an international adoption and feel like it's no big deal, they've got it all covered. But God is faithful.

So that is my adoption post for the day. Or month since I haven't done one in a long time. Don't automatically feel discouraged by the costs; with some planning and praying and maybe some sacrificing, it can be done.

The Office

So Kevin and I never watch TV (well besides the sports he watches.) We have a few shows we like from the past that we own on DVD but that's it. A few months ago though we started watching "The Office" to check it out. And were totally irritated that we hadn't watched it sooner!

How awesome is this show?! I love all the awkwardness and sarcasm. We borrowed the first and second seasons from a friend of Kevin's at work to catch up, and also a season of the original British version from a friend in SLO, which isn't (in my opinion) nearly as funny, though the boss is pretty hilarious.

Anyway we have totally plowed through the seasons the last several weeks in the evenings (finished up Season 2 last night), as I've been too exhausted to do much else once the kids go to bed. Well that and we're apparently addicted!

Yosef and Biniam's 2 year check up

(Okay so still no baby being born for me...when is this going to happen?) Anyway, Friday morning the boys had their two year well-check. Yosef is on the charts, though barely, for both his weight and height, and Biniam is (barely) on the charts for height, but not weight. Once the baby is born I'm going to talk more to the pediatrician about possible causes for him being so small, but it's possible he is just little. I DID find out, however, why he is so prone to colds hanging on, why he snores and why he talks in such a nasally voice. Apparently his tonsils are completely huge and oversized, poor kid! The doctor said within several years he should grow into them, and that unless he stops breathing in his sleep (like sleep apnea), which we've never seen happen, he doesn't have to have them out. I feel bad that he is always so nasally but I'm grateful it doesn't sound like he has to have surgery, as the problem should correct itself in time.

So that's it. I also had an OB visit Friday which went well, though I'm getting tired of them, as I have two per week these days. I wasn't on the computer at all this past week (very odd but kind of nice!) but will probably be on more this week and will definitely post something if I ever actually go into labor. :)