We are currently in the process of attempting to make some decisions. Sorry to be so vague (aka annoying, it's just like that kid at youth group who would always say they had an "unspoken" prayer request during prayertime!), but I'm not ready to share until we've arrived at an answer, either way. I promise I'll let you know once we do--I think we may be getting close. :)
I believe this happy little crossroads we're at is actually one of the toughest places I've been in, at least in recent history. NOT because our decision necessarily involves something bad, but because it's weighty. We have been spending time in prayer, conversation, the Bible, and seeking wisdom from others...all in an attempt to discern what the Lord is telling us.
Quite frankly, this whole matter of discernment has been exhausting! I actually feel tired, emotionally and spiritually. I look back on various big decisions in my life...choosing which college to attend...getting married...adopting our sons...and I have to admit that this has been the hardest to make by far. Mostly because the whole thing surprised us. Not what we were expecting to "hear" from God.
Imagine that, God busting out of the box that I constructed for Him.
Either way I think I'll look back on this as a faith-building time. I'm learning that sometimes having faith means moving forward with baby steps (or even standing still), as God directs, but that He won't always hold your hand the way He did, say, five years ago. I'm seeing too the things that hold me back: fear of the unknown, my need for control, and what others may think of me. I'm also quite aware of my own impatience...I want to know RIGHT NOW what we are supposed to do...but sometimes God says, "wait."
At this point we feel like things are coming into focus and that we are maybe ready to take the next baby step. I still don't know for sure what the outcome will be, but I do know God is not letting up. I am so humbled by this process. And I look forward to eventually sharing more of it with you!
I wonder--what are some of the hardest decisions you've had to make, or things you've had to discern?
Friday, March 05, 2010
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This last decision to move was, by far, the hardest because I was leaving my hometown (for 46 years), a job I LOVED, a church I've been involved in for 40 years, my best friend, and moving to a place I have never dreamed I would end up in - LA!! But, when we decided to come down here, we knew God would be with us and show us where to go and figure out this new home of ours. I'm now volunteering at a place I enjoy, involved in a Bible Study I love and we are in a church that is what we need at this time. Of course, it's not Grace, but nothing is, but the preaching, the music, etc., is good and we enjoy the services and the people we have met. Now, if I could find a job, too, that will be great - and that's my next big decision as I look around, or big thing in my life.
drama queen. sheesh.
;)
To make the conscious choice to remain a family of three. Letting go of the dream of a very large family (I wanted "at least" four!LOL) was very difficult but also very liberating...we are going into our 40s whole and with a new purpose but still...it was darn hard!!!
I love that you guys are seeking God so much right now. Mike and I have to do that often, but it usually involves him contemplating switching jobs! Hahaha. I'm praying for you guys and know that whatever decision you make, it will be right for your family.
Kindergarten is looming - and I've made my choice, but oh, those big question marks. The choice is good. But what if we move? Will the teachers change? Etc, etc.
Can't wait to hear of your big decision!
Oh my gosh! Joel and I are in the same place right now, REALLY seeking God on something and this post put into words exactly how I am feeling! I too am tired emotionally, spiritually and physically and a lot of my fears are coming to the surface. Thanks for sharing this post, it was encouraging! Can't wait to hear where God is leading your family!
about jobs and mostly about kids--trying to decide whether or not to let the Lord control it all, when to do that, whether or not to adopt, and when to do that, special needs adoption...
YES Kristen what is it about kid decisions that are so hard?! Any decision that has to do with kids, or affects your kids, seems a million times harder than anything else.
the last big decision we made was where to send out kids this past year. 4 days before school started i had no idea. god provided a school out of the sky that feeds my kids breakfast and lunch, super diverse, amazing teachers. totally amazing how what we had planned (public montessori) seemed perfect and gods plan was even more. keep listening and seeking and follow him even if it seems crazy. he always shows up.
:)
can't wait for your next post!
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