Thursday, September 15, 2011

When it's sad

Tonight we went to dinner, and Mekdes cried.  No words, just quiet tears.  And, we don't speak the same language.  So I don't know why she was crying.  Offers of ice cream were of no help.  So finally I picked her up, walked her around, and sat her back down in my lap.  I blew her a kiss (she LOVES blowing kisses back and forth), but she didn't return it.  Instead, she buried her head in my neck and rested against me.
As you can imagine, I had tears in my own eyes tonight too.  My dear, sweet little girl was sad and not only could I not fix it, I have no way of knowing what it was exactly.  I can guess (grief, fear, stomachache, all of the above), but I don't know for sure.  And that is hard.  Really, really hard.  So I hugged, and kissed, and stroked her head and told her that I loved her and that soon we'd be going home.  It was all I had to give.  Not much, but it's a mama's heart and a mama's love, something that Mekdes didn't have until two days ago. 
This adoption thing is hard and sad sometimes, often in unexpected ways.  I long to look into my four-year-old's heart, but we don't have words to do that yet.  So far I see a sweet, gentle, brave, determined, beautiful little girl, but I also see a child who doesn't feel well struggling to communicate with her new parents.
So I'm longing for Saturday, when we can begin the long journey home and the long journey towards healing and helping these precious little ones feel safe.  They are both so dear, so willing to love us and trust us in spite of the fact that we were nothing more than faces in a photograph up until two days ago.  Hearts of gold, they have.  Sweet souls, these girls. 
My heart is broken into about a million and one pieces. 
Because I am reminded that precious children like Tigist and Mekdes don't belong in institutions.
And I am reminded that I am so dang blessed to be their mama.
Even when I have no words to comfort them with.

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