All's well that ends well

Even after a day spent at Urgent Care, Anna wanted to take a walk with her Daddy to look at the moon and stars, and to collect some big leaves!

First emergency trip to the doctor

Well today it finally happened. We had thus far avoided the emergency room with the kids, any sort of emergency care, until this morning. I know what you're thinking, with two active boys we will be making plenty of visits to the ER. Well, as I have always maintained, our agile, physically-skilled boys are not the high risk ones in the family. And I was right--it's Anna!

She was standing on a chair this morning at the counter and snatched up something off the counter that I didn't want her to have. I asked her to put it back, she wouldn't, so I took it away. Ever the strong-willed child (she is her mother's daughter afterall, and I stand by my theory that this is a good quality!), she went to throw a bit of a tantrum, sort of threw herself down on the chair, but lost her footing, and fell, smacking the back of her head on the chair.

Oddly, the fall itself wasn't that bad, but she was UPSET. Crying, shaky, coughing. She sat on the chair while I held her, right away I'd felt the back of her head and it seemed okay. But as she leaned forward to get down a few minutes later, there was a lot of blood on the back of her head/shirt. I did my best not to pass out/start crying (I have SUCH a weak stomach for blood, and it is a HORRIBLE feeling to know your child is hurt!), cleaned it up enough to get a look at it (pretty difficult on the back of a girl's head because there's so much hair), and thought it best to head to Urgent Care in case she needed stitches (it was a small but pretty deep cut.)

I changed out of my pjs, loaded up the troops, and off we went. As it turned out, even though it was deep, it was small enough where Anna didn't need stitches! The doctor said he could have stitched it, but it would have caused more pain, etc. than would be beneficial. He said it should scab over within a few days.

Now I will hereby take the opportunity to say that I am blessed with three AMAZING children! See, in a situation like this, it is extra stressful because my husband Kevin works an hour and fifteen minutes away (yep, he's a commuter), and my parents live a full hour away (though of course they are always willing to come in a heartbeat), and most of our friends live at least 35 minutes away. SO, in an emergency situation, Kevin can't just zip home from work to watch the kids, we have to stick together and are pretty much on our own in a jam. The Heldts have to be somewhat self-sufficient.

Well, I am still beaming with pride at how the kids did today. The boys sat patiently and happily in the double stroller the ENTIRE TIME at Urgent Care (and we were there for quite a while). Anna sat either in my lap or in the waiting chair, she listened to Mommy and came with Mommy when it was time to go into the other room. She bravely got onto the big scale to be weighed (even though I could tell she was a little scared), allowed the nurse to take her temperature and her vitals while she sat calmly and patiently on a little footstool. She let the doctor look at her head. Meanwhile Yosef and Biniam were still happily sitting in their stroller!

I am so, so blessed to have such easy-going, happy, brave, well-adjusted kids. It makes it so much less stressful knowing that i can take all three of them somewhere and be able to truly focus my energies on the sick/hurt child, because the other two (no matter which two it is) will generally be patient, content and happy. It's also sort of neat in a way, having all three of them with me, because it's like the siblings are there for each other. I think it's really comforting for Anna to have her brothers with her when she has to see a doctor. I really believe she drew strength and comfort from having them with her today.

(It is so easy to get frustrated sometimes as a parent of toddlers, when they disobey or won't listen, and you often wonder, "Are we doing the right things, are we raising them right?" But then God gives you glimpses of their hearts and their character and you realize, wow, God is molding them into beautiful people (in spite of me!) Another example of this today was when I was hurriedly loading the kids into the car to go to Urgent Care. I was putting Yosef, who'd been holding a tennis ball, into his carseat when he dropped it. He began crying and was upset, and I told him I'd hand him the ball after I got him buckled in. Meanwhile, Anna (who wasn't in her seat or the car yet) was on the complete other side of the car. She must have heard the exchange because from out of the blue she said, "Here Yos!", straining to hand her brother, all the way across the seat, another ball. I'm sure her head was still not feeling the best, but she so much wanted to make Yosef happy again. What a blessing these kids are to one another, and to Kevin and I as well!)

The kids are all now safely napping in their beds. I hooked Anna up with an old, cozy flannel pillowcase (doc's recommendation.) The doctor told me to of course be watching her if she starts acting funny, vomiting, etc. (due to hitting her head so hard.) Well, the minute we got home and in the house, Anna took off running, yelling part of Tracy Chapman's song "Revolution" (which, at Anna's request, and the sick child should always get to hear their request, we listened to in the car)--"Run, run, run, run!" as she ran laps around the family room. Then she talked my ear off while I tucked her in, and she was STILL talking my ear off when i shut the door. SO, something tells me her head is just fine. :)

(On a side-note, the doctor asked how old all the kids are, seemed puzzled and then asked "Oh so you didn't carry the boys?" HA! I wonder how many people that see us out and about think I've had children with two different men so close together? I got a good laugh out of that one.)

You gotta read this

I just finished reading the new book There is No Me Without You, by Melissa Faye Green. All I can say is, I hope everyone picks up this book and reads it! Melissa weaves the story of Haregowin Tefarra, a middle-class Ethiopian woman who begins taking in AIDS orphans, with the history of Ethiopia, the history of AIDS, information about the current AIDS crisis, etc. I could literally not put this book down; it was amazing!

It was really cool reading a book about places I've been to (Layla House, AHOPE), people I've met (Merrily from AAI), the Ethiopian doctor who did some of our sons' medical evaluations over there (Sofia Mengistu), etc. I've never looked into the history of HIV before, or understood the complex issues of the current crisis very well, but because it is something that has obviously touched my kids' lives in a HUGE way, and therefore our lives, I feel so grateful to finally be learning something about it. An entire generation on an entire continent is losing their parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents--my sons included.

So any chance I have to catch a glimpse of Yosef and Biniam's past, their homeland, the common issues that must have faced their family, a greater understanding of where they come from and therefore more insight to give to them as they grow, I jump at. But this book beats all, honestly one of my all-time favorites, DEFINITELY a must-read and also definitely worth owning! (And not just for those interested in Ethiopian adoption, either. The AIDS pandemic is ravaging Africa, tearing apart families, creating millions upon millions of orphans, and therefore something that we should all care about.)

(My first introduction to Melissa, aside from her being on our agency's adoption message boards as she has children from Ethiopia, was her popular New York Times article on AIDS orphans. You can also check out the book's website here.)

Pregnancy update

By request, I am posting an update on the pregnancy. :) Here's the latest, in no particular order:
--I feel the baby moving more and more lately, which makes me really happy. :) My stomach doesn't get too sick anymore, just sometimes after I take the prenatal vitamins, but I do get sleepy. I had a doctor's appointment on Friday (which Kevin got to go to as well) where we got to hear the swishy heartbeat, very cool!

--Today I have to go to the lab to have my blood drawn for the AFP screening. I am taking the kids along, we'll see how that goes!

--Yep, my stomach is growing, and very few of my clothes fit. I have to plan extra time for getting ready to go somewhere beacause sometimes I discover that what I've planned to wear doesn't fit. My whole middle section, front and back, has expanded and I've been packing on the pounds, although I try to eat right.

--I have an ultrasound next month, where I'm hoping we can find out the sex of the baby! Woohoo! (I say hoping because with Anna, she had her feet in the way and we didn't get to find out until a later ultrasound.)

--This pregnancy is very similar to my pregnancy with Anna in that the due date they gave me based solely on my cycle (February 19) is sooner than the due date the ultrasound showed (March 8 I think.) So once again they revised my due date, to March 8. I didn't fall for it with Anna and I'm not falling for it this time either!

--Being pregnant with three toddlers is pretty hazardous. On Friday I was sitting there on the couch, minding my own business, when Yosef (who probably weighs about 20 pounds) sat down rather suddenly and rather hard, right on my stomach. Yikes! I am so paranoid about something going wrong I was really worried, but I've felt the baby moving plenty since then so apparently Yosef didn't squish him/her. Not even born yet and getting picked on by its older brother!

--I don't think about the baby/pregnancy nearly as much as I did when I was expecting Anna, probably because I have three kids now who keep me plenty occupied. It's kind of weird!

I think that's it. I'm really enjoying being pregnant right now in certain ways, it's so neat getting to feel the baby flipping around in there. I can't wait to meet him/her!

Re-adoption frustrations

Well I haven't blogged in almost a week, how lame. :) Nothing is new with us, except we are knee-deep in trying to adopt our boys through the local courts. Sounds simple enough, right? WRONG! It SHOULD have been simple, but thanks to our homestudy/postplacement agency dropping the ball (NOT AAI, they are our placing agency and they are wonderful!), we are currently running around trying to find an agency that will do the court order necessary for the finalization and that will accept our postplacement agency's postplacement reports. Yuck.

The thing is, our adoption is unique because technically we are adopting our boys out of a disruption. It is, for all legal purposes, actually a domestic adoption, because the boys legally belong to Adoption Advocates International in Washington state right now (remember, their "first" adoptive parents changed their minds in Ethiopia and relinquished the boys when they returned to the US.) Our homestudy/postplacement agency has known this special circumstance all along, our social worker was aware, etc. We signed the documents for the finalization, Kevin had his employer fill out a form, we paid the fees, all was going according to plan. Until they called and said oops, they were "unaware" that this was a domestic adoption (um, not true, they were VERY aware) and they are not licensed to do finalizations for domestic adoptions, just international. Basically they told me, good luck with that.

So now I am trying to find out a way to clean up this mess (without it costing us hundreds of extra dollars due to an agency's oversight.) I will be SO happy when it's all behind us and the judge declares these boys legally ours! So that is our update. Hopefully it'll be resolved SOON!

I don't want to be a feverish, selfish clot

Kevin and I are going through the infamous "Purpose-Driven Life" book by Rick Warren right now. We bought this about four years ago, made it to about Day 5, and for whatever reason never finished (clearly we were not very purposeful about it--hee, hee.) Our renewed interest in the book was sparked by reading this article about Rick Warren.

(I have to admit I'm sometimes a bit skeptical of the big name Christian authors/speakers/pastors who sell tons of books and who have gigantic ministries (not that there's anything inherently wrong with being successful, wealthy, or with having a big church, please don't get me wrong.) But I sometimes wonder how much of what they do is for profit, are they just resorting to some marketing gimmick to make a few bucks. But after reading this article we were so moved by what Rick and his wife are doing in Africa and his commitment to philanthropy that we said, we gotta read that book again!)

And direction and purpose are things we've been talking about lately. What is our direction, where are we wanting to go in life? More importantly where is God wanting to take us? Currently we have no clue. We don't see ourselves staying here for much longer than a few years, at this point anyway. The hour-plus commute for Kevin has gotten old, the 35 minute trip to church can be a lot sometimes, we're not really wanting to put down roots in this town, we want our sons to be raised in a place where they don't always feel quite so conspicuous.

What does that mean for us? Like I said we don't know. We have certain things we DO know, like we want to live somewhere that we can afford, we think we want to live in East Africa someday for awhile (hopefully Ethiopia although we have no clue when/if/how that would happen), and most likely, no matter where we go, it will mean leaving California. We also know we don't want to just settle into the suburbs and live for ourselves with our 1.2 kids and our dog (okay we already have over twice that many kids, and I don't really like pets, and we probably will live in some sort of suburbs, but you know what I mean!)

After reading and being challenged by Shane Claiborne's book Irresistable Revolution, we just both feel so strongly that the Lord wants our lives to be about more than the daily grind of "life as usual": a 40-hour work week, fun on the weekends, church on Sunday, not much time for anything else like loving and helping others, or "seeking the welfare of the city" like Jeremiah 29:7 talks about. God gave us ALL the Great Commission, so what does that mean for the Heldt family?

So lately we've just been trusting God that He will show us where to go at the right time. We feel like He's maybe preparing to do that. One reason we are so confident that He will guide us at the right time (and that that hasn't happened yet) and that He DOES have a plan for us is that there are no clear, logical, or obvious options for us right now. No obvious (or even workable) place for Kevin to transfer if he wanted to continue doing what he's doing, no obvious "other options" for his employment. So in the meantime we will trust, and pray, and seek God, and read "The Purpose Driven Life". :)

There is a quote I really like that Rick Warren had in his book, that was actually also in the biblestudy I'm currently going to at church (apparently God really wants me to hear this!) It's by George Bernard Shaw and says,

This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

What great words and what a great mental picture (I so don't want to be that clot!) It is exciting to think about God's purpose for my life and also so awesome that He wants to use me and that I don't have to worry, that He will take me where He wants me when He wants me there.

Musings revisited

Some interesting comments on the last post. I just thought I'd chime back in and give some of my own random--er, well thought-out thoughts. :)

Because I'm not involved in missions work nor do I come from a family that was, I honestly have no clue what the actual mentality is, in the missions field, when it comes to children. It does seem, based on the adults who write about their pasts, like the standard thought was that the parents would go out into the missions field, and when the child got to be school-aged, they were sent to boarding school all year to get an education. Also based on what I read, the parents seemed to really struggle with this (mostly the mothers) but still followed suit because it was a sacrifice you made to follow God's call and to do His work.

As for the abuse, which to me sounds like it was common enough since I've read three seperate, non-related accounts of it, I think part of why it was able to continue was that back in that time, it was taboo to talk about. Nowadays I think we feel more free to open up and share about abuse. I STILL have no clue how some of the worst abusers became missionaries though.

I really agree with Shelley in that it is always possible for "God stuff" to trump God. How often do we get so wrapped up in what are oftentimes very good activities, only to be left feeling drained or like we have no energy for the essentials?

I also think that kids in our culture aren't valued as much as they should be, which could explain the mentality that "there's important work to be done, so let's ship the kids off." I definitely think there's a place for families and children in the missions field and that it can be done, but I think parents have to guard against neglecting their kids in the name of doing something that seems like a higher calling, more important, etc. (I am not sure why I decided to blog on this topic in the first place; I guess after reading that book I realized I was bothered by this trend.)

The end. :)

Musings on missions kids

I just finished the book Chameleon Days: An American Boyhood in Ethiopia by Tim Bascom, the memoir of a man who was raised in Ethiopia because his parents were Christian missionaries there with SIM. I have read a couple of other stories by missionaries' children, and I find myself troubled that each of the stories involved something truly unfortunate happening in the child's life, as the result.

In this particular book, he attended boarding school in Addis Ababa (Ethiopia's capital), at the school for all the missionary kids (his parents were stationed at a village in another part of Ethiopia.) At the age of six he began attending this school, seperated from his parents for most of the year. They would have the kids write letters to their parents, but the letters were supervised and dictated by a teacher for the child to write. If a child misbehaved, they were beat with a leather belt by one of the people in charge. He says that growing up he never had one, not one, Ethiopian playmate/friend, because he resented them in some way for taking his parents away, and also because the boarding school never had the kids interface with anyone else, it sheltered them from the surrounding society/culture.

As an adult now, he has gravitated (understandably in many ways) towards a very liberal form of religion, because he tired of the "duty" focused Christianity he felt his parents practiced. Although his memoir isn't bitter, I gathered from the overall tone that he doesn't look back on much of his childhood with fondness.

And I've read other stories of missionary children, things (horrible things, much worse than getting hit with a belt) that happened to them at the Christian missionary boarding schools they attended. Things that have left them with a lot of healing to do.

So I'm wondering, why is this? When the Bible tells us to go and make disciples of all the nations, certainly it isn't asking us to throw our children to the wolves in the name of self denial and sacrifice. I wonder if the apparent corruption in these boarding schools still happens, or if improvements have been made over the years. And how on earth did some of the worst abusers, supposed missionaries, even get hired for these schools?

It makes me so sad that so many children have essentially lost their childhoods, their faith and sometimes even their innocence all in the name of missions. I don't believe it has to be that way by any means, nor is it God's intention. Kevin and I have talked about someday wanting to live somewhere in East Africa (ideally Ethiopia) for awhile, who knows if/when/how that would ever happen. I am quite convinced that a child could have a rich, full, happy childhood living in a different culture. So when I read some of these stories I think of all the missed opportunities, lost time, and the misguided intentions of so many well-meaning adults. It is just so sad, and I hope that some of the mentalities that contribute to this have, indeed, changed.

(In my next post I think I will give some of my own random opinions on why these things have happened.)

Dirty work

Okay, so I am terrified--yes, TERRIFIED--of frogs. Well, all reptiles really. Dead or alive they freak me out and I detest them. I always have.

Well, earlier this summer we found the bottom half of a dead, flattened, sun-baked frog in our backyard. It was totally crispy and dried out (ewwwwww, I know) but still I refused to touch it, to throw it away. One day though, Anna kept wanting to play with it when we were in the backyard and it was grossing me out. How can I finally get this frog thrown away without touching it, I wondered?

Then it finally dawned on me. Anna had (unfortunately) already picked it up at one point, so her hands were already "contaminated", she ENJOYED picking it up, and she LOVES throwing things in the trash. Hmmmm...

Yep, I asked my two-and-a-half-year-old to pick up the dried out dead frog that I was too afraid to touch and go throw it in our trash bin. I think I must have sunk to a whole new level of momhood that day, but she loved it and enjoyed talking about it afterwards! Yet another benefit of having children...

(And yes that is the deceased she is holding triumphantly in her left hand.)

Good for the soul

Does something ever strike you as hilarious, I mean REALLY funny, even when it probably isn't meant to? Well that happened to me the other night and it still makes me laugh so hard I cry, so I thought I'd post about it.

Kevin rented that movie "The Producers". We didn't know anything about it except that it's a Mel Brooks play that our landlord in Santa Barbara left town to be an understudy for. WELL, we really didn't like the movie, it was pretty crude, we ended up fast-forwarding through some stuff. The basic gist of the play/film is that an accountant and washed-up Broadway producer team up to produce the worst play ever, because the accountant figured out that you can make more money on a flop than a success by messing with the books. They stumble upon a neo-Nazi play called "Springtime for Hitler" that they are sure is going to offend the masses, and therefore be such a flop that they'll make a fortune.

They set out to hire the worst actors, directors, etc. They go to the worst director's home, a homosexual man who lives with his "common law assistant." This assistant, Carmen, is just hilarious--not sure why exactly, but his look and mannerisms struck me as terribly amusing right off the bat. Anyway, the director is attending some event and Carmen suggests he wear a wig because he looks bad without it. The director is offended and calls Carmen the Wicked Witch of the West. To which Carmen responds emotionally with this line:

"If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart....BULLSEYE!"

I am literally laughing out loud right now, my shoulders are shaking, just thinking about this. I made Kevin go back so I could rewatch this line again...and again...and again. I was rolling around, the tears were streaming...it made it worth renting the lame movie!

Has anyone else seen this film and know the part I'm talking about? Or has anyone had something really random strike them as the funniest thing ever? I haven't laughed that hard in months...it felt good!

It's all relative

Today I took the kids with me to Target, by myself (we haven't done this sort of outing just me and the kids for awhile, but I'm hoping to get out of the house more so I decided we would go.) They did WONDERFUL, Anna sitting in the front and the boys in the back. Honestly they were great.

Anyway, as I was pushing them through the store, a very stressed looking mom walked by pushing her one child in the cart--a little boy about two years old. He was kicking, screaming, standing up (this was in the front of the cart), throwing a major tantrum. The mom was getting all bitter at him when she happened to look up to see us walking calmly along. She said to her son, "Look at those kids, THEY'RE sitting nicely", to which I called merrily over my shoulder as she passed, "Knock on wood!"

So you see, three toddlers isn't ALWAYS super hard, or wild, or more work than one child. I may look like I must have my hands full, but sometimes things just couldn't run any smoother. I'm so proud of my kids!

Flooding in Ethiopia

(I've been meaning to post about this; shame on me for forgetting!) There has been severe flooding in Ethiopia over the last several weeks, displacing many, many people. Here's an article about it. Thousands are in need of food and shelter, and many people have been killed as well.

If anyone is so inclined, you can make a donation through Adoption Advocates International online (designating it for the Ethiopia flood victims by clicking "other"), and they transfer it directly into the account in Ethiopia that is going to provide relief to these poor people. Here is the link for donations.

Day at the zoo

Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures (who has the time?), but two days ago I took the kids down to the Santa Barbara Zoo with two of my girlfriends and their daughters (so seven kids between the three of us!) This was the boys' very first trip to the zoo and Anna's third time.

After having been to the San Diego Zoo a couple of years ago, I am maybe a little bit of a zoo snob, but it was totally fun (in spite of the fact that the gorillas were sleeping.) The kids did well, in spite of it being a no-nap day. The boys could kind of take-it-or-leave-it when it came to the animals (except for Biniam who loved imitating the birds), but Anna enjoyed looking at the snakes and the lions and the monkeys (okay technically they were apes but they looked like monkeys to me!) She isn't totally into the zoo yet though; I think she still liked the snacks we packed the best. We even rode the little train around the zoo, which was a highlight. Anna had fun sitting by her friend Claire and going "choo choo, choo choo!"

The most interesting aspect of the day (aside from watching a duck come and eat a monkey's poop) was how our little family was treated. We spent hours and hours at the zoo, and NOT ONE person pointed, stopped to ask me if the boys were twins (or more importantly tell me that they weren't), or batted an eye at the four of us. In fact, the only questions or comments we got were on our stroller! AND, we picked up Kevin from work that afternoon and ate dinner down in Santa Barbara, and at dinner no one seemed to notice/care either!

Looking back it was such a nice, stress free day! I got to just be a mommy out with my kids, at dinner we got to just sit and eat and have fun and not feel self-conscious about people staring at us while we're stuffing our faces. I'm not sure what to chalk it up to, what makes Santa Barbara so very different from Santa Maria or SLO County in that regard, but I liked it. It made me feel hopeful that someday we can live somewhere where we don't constantly feel like a circus act.

Such a contrast to a few weeks ago when we went to the California Mid-State Fair up in Paso Robles. I wish I had a dime for every person who came within five feet of us and pointed (yes, pointed), for every group of people who stopped in front of us to stare and talk loudly about our family (don't they know we're not hard of hearing), for the woman who wanted to take a PICTURE of our boys!

The only people in fact who I spoke with at the zoo was a wonderful African American couple who also is an adoptive family. They were interested in our family, Ethiopian adoption, had such wonderful hearts and I honestly wish I'd gotten their contact info.

So, a fun outing, and hopefully a glimpse into what can be someday. I really didn't realize how stressful scrutiny can be until I was out for a day without it, and I loved getting to feel like a family, plain and simple.

And Baby Heldt will make four (under four)!

Yes, that's right, I am hereby announcing to the blogging world (lest anyone think I'm gaining weight for no reason) that we are having a baby in February!

My last few months have been spent secretly eating, napping and trying not to throw up amidst chasing after three toddlers. :) My pregnancy with Anna was so much more, how shall I say it, restful!

We're so excited about this latest gift God is blessing us with, and so grateful that so far it has been a healthy, "uneventful" pregnancy. The baby will be exactly three years younger than Anna, and about two years younger than Yosef and Biniam. Personally I'm hoping for a girl to even things up around here, but we'll see. :) We had an ultrasound this past Thursday and there was baby, thrashing around with a strong heartbeat. It was neat for all of us (Kevin, the kids and me) to be there for the ultrasound. Today I got to hear the baby's heart beating, though barely, because it was actually in sync with my own pulse! (Though of course mine wasn't beating 160 times per second!)

We just recently told our family and friends--we'd decided to wait as long as we could before announcing it for several reasons. In case something went wrong, so people could have more time just enjoying and getting to know our boys, and also because we worried we'd take some flak from people who think we make unacceptable life choices (we haven't gotten any though, so apparently people are used to us bringing kids into our family nearly every February!) At any rate, most of my clothes aren't fitting anymore, so vanity dictated that we make our announcement. :)

Anyway, we are totally thrilled and excited, and pretty interested to see how having four kids is going to play out around here. (I'm already looking forward to going into the hospital--other people preparing my food and serving it to me in bed, eating custard and jello, only having one child to look after...sounds like a vacation! And yes I'm serious--Marian Medical Center serves up a mean dish of custard!)

Six months and counting

Well, two days ago marked the six month anniversary of when we brought our boys home! In most ways our time in Ethiopia seems like an eternity ago, and I honestly can barely remember what life was like before Yosef and Biniam!

The past six months have included a lot of joy, love, and hard work. Our sons have changed a lot since our first meeting at Layla House--Biniam, the supposed quiet cuddler, has transitioned into an extremely active, cheery, mischevious little boy who rarely has time for sitting on Mom or Dad's lap. When we met him he had barely any muscle tone in his little legs (which were so tiny and stick-like) and was unable to walk. Now he tears around the house after his brother and sister and you'd think he's been walking for a lot longer than four months. Yosef is still his "life of the party" self, although he now gets a little shy around strangers and strange situations, and he has become quite the helper around the house. He loves pleasing Mom and Dad and has a definite sensitive side. Yosef is also the swimmer of the group and loves water.

The boys still only say a handful of words, but their vocabulary is always growing. Just this weekend, for the very first time (and all on his own), Biniam stood at the door and said "Bye bye, Grandpa." He's also been saying "please" lately, which is really cute. When Kevin comes home each night, the minute the kids hear the door open, they all shout "Daddy! Daddy!" and make a beeline for him.

It is amazing to me that Anna has only known her brothers for six months. She loves them to pieces and is quite the big sister. She's always looking out for them, and just this morning brought her special blanket to lay over Yosef when he was crying and upset. She loves "reading" to them and tucking them in at night. They play "cool games" with each other (yep, Anna coined that term) and to be honest I think Anna would be lost without these two boys. And judging by the way they trail after her all day long, they'd be lost without her.

As for myself, I can't imagine never knowing these two kids. They are such a bright spot in my life and it is strange to think that I've known them for less than a year! I also regularly forget that they come from a world away, from another continent, another country, another culture. When I see them running all over over the house and making it clear that they run the show here, it's easy to forget that not all that long ago, they led a life that was very, very different. It's easy to forget that they are someone else's birth sons, that they spent over a year living without a family to love them, and that they were adopted by someone else, before they finally came to be ours.

There have been challenges to be sure. We're still trying to figure out Biniam's slow weight gain, I'm always wondering how they're adjusting/attaching, if we're doing the right things. We've had plenty of draining encounters with well-intentioned people that make me worry for the boys' future, growing up in a transracial family. I find myself tired some of the time and keeping the house clean with three active toddlers running around is always an uphill battle. And then of course sometimes I miss blending in--at church, at the grocery store, at social gatherings.

But these last six months have brought blessing upon blessing and I am increasingly convinced that the Lord means what He says and is faithful, even when I am tired, cranky, worried. The joy that Yosef and Biniam have brought to our lives makes any of the frustrations or challenges pale in comparison. We find ourselves saying regularly to each other, these kids are just plain awesome! I look and see how much God has grown our hearts through these boys and this whole experience, in ways that I know could not have happened otherwise. "Family" has been redefined, I've learned that love can come in different ways but it comes just the same, borders and genetics and fitting in have become trivial. God has surely given us a glimpse into His heart and for that I am grateful. I am slowly learning about what it means to love more than just myself, or my family, or the people in my country.

All of this to say, it has been a wild ride. When God sent us on a plane six months ago to Africa, I had no real clue what was in store for me. Honestly I am still discovering what He had for me there, but one thing I know for sure, we received two precious, precious gifts that I never want to take for granted. I am so grateful for my sons, for Anna's brothers, for the little boys that love to laugh and smile (and hit each other!), and I am totally geared up for another crazy six months!