The "other man"

Yes people, for the past week there has been another man in my life. We email and chat on the phone late at night, and spend time together during the day. He's a great listener, solves my problems, and makes me feel so happy and free.

So who is this mystery man? Well, his name starts with a "C". And he works at Kinko's.

This guy seriously deserves a raise. I am completely computer-illiterate, I have no background in graphic design whatsoever, and all I know how to do on here is blog and read emails. In the midst of this project I've been working on for AHOPE, which I will soon reveal (oh, the suspense!), I have had to design some things, and let's face it, I hit a few snags. And "C", sweet "C", helped me fix all of them, spent time fixing my design and surprising me with something I thought wouldn't work out, helping fix something that had gone wrong on something ELSE, having my things done in record-time...and THEN he even gave me a 10% discount because I didn't have the non-profit certificate to avoid paying sales tax. Be still my heart!

Okay, that is all. Just wanted to tell you about my newfound friend and the good times we've had over at 1440 South Colorado Boulevard. Oh and just so you know, Kevin's totally cool with it--he likes how I come home happy from Kinko's!

Aw, shucks!

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes! (And to Kevin for the super sweet post! So thoughtful!) In honor of me being 27...here are 27 random thoughts.

1. I cannot believe I am 27, and in 3 years I'll be 30. I'm actually an adult, and that is scary.

2. I got my hair cut yesterday and it is pretty darn short. I THINK it's fun and cute, as opposed to masculine and not cute. It's very messy, which works great with my hair, which is also very messy.

3. Sometimes I still think I'd like to get a nose ring. Kevin claims he wouldn't like it, but I say he would. Just like he never wants me to cut my hair, but he always ends up liking it. Still can't decide if I could pull it off or not. You gotta be the right type of person, for sure.

4. Last night my drink of choice was the Georgia Peach. Yummy. Good thing they are so expensive, so that I only order one, because I feel like I could drink about five, they taste so good. But that would not be prudent. :)

5. We are so nearly out of diapers. Hope we make it to Costco tomorrow before we have to start using paper towels or something!

6. The weather is so hot here. Like swelteringly hot. The kind where you don't want to go out. This is a big adjustment after living in Santa Maria/Santa Barbara/San Luis Obispo for so long. And where is the rain? Where are these supposed Colorado thunderstorms???

7. When I call Kinkos to ask questions, they are incredibly friendly and helpful. The one time I went into the store for assistance, they were totally rude. What gives?

8. I could so easily be a vegetarian. I'm not, but there are so many yummy foods that aren't meat. There was a week or so where due to various circumstances we ate a lot of it and it so grossed me out. SO ever since then I've been making things without it and yeah, I definitely think I could live without red meat for sure, and maybe other meat too.

9. Is there nothing quite like an ice-cold glass of A&W or Henry Weinhard's root beer?!

10. Today was a really tough day. I'm completely exhausted, we're having some hardwood floors put in so they were here ALL DAY working on them with a loud saw, and I'm quite busy with AHOPE things. I feel tired! And hormonal to boot.

11. So because of that, I'm cutting my 27 things short for now. Instead I'm going to go sit out on the front porch with Kevin and eat ice cream cones, just the two of us. Have a great night!

Happy Birthday Brianna!

Today is the 9th birthday Brianna has had since I've known her. The 1st one we had just met a few months prior. This would be the last July 14th that my heart still belonged to me: by the 2nd, I was in "trouble deep." We'd been dating 9 months, I was ridiculously in love and mulling over proposal ideas. I would decide on one and carry it out about 2 months later. By the 3rd, we were newly married and enjoying the last of our magical "kick-back days" (between getting back from our honeymoon and me starting my job) in our box-filled Goleta apartment. By the 4th we had moved to Santa Maria and were living in a 1-bedroom apartment that just 22 days earlier we had learned we were sharing with a teeny tiny little girl. As of the 5th, Anna was 5 months and we were smitten with her. By the 6th, the smittenness had only deepened. By the 7th, two little men answering to the names Yosef and Biniam had added their playful and loving presences to our now "cup runneth over" lives. And by the 8th, the little Katie bug with the big, blue eyes had already let us know that there was a new sheriff in town. We were smitten all over again.

Today, the 9th, I sit here in our new home in Denver thinking back on the amazing near-decade that I have shared with Brianna. She's out getting her hair cut and when she gets back, the kids and I are taking her to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Another fun night for the Heldt fam.

I'm so thankful for my wife. And I figured every once in awhile a guy is allowed to shamelessly tell the world how great his girl is. And you are, Brianna. You are a wonderful wife and a terrific mother. A loving daughter and faithful follower of your Lord. You're beautiful and you're funny and you make me feel like I can accomplish anything.

And your kids love you too, babe. Here's what they said when I asked them what they love about you or why they love you.

Anna: I love her--about when she goes--takes me to the park, to picnics, to the tea parties, that's all!

Yosef: Because I love her so much!

Biniam: I like to say happy birthday...she makes me pancakes.

Kaitlyn: (grunt)

But if my translation is correct I think she said, "I love her because she is a terrific mommy. She is very loving and patient and she takes such good care of us."

I couldn't agree more. Brianna, thank you so much for sharing your birthdays and all your other days with me. I count it a tremendous privilege to be your husband and the father of your children. I can't wait to share the next 9 birthdays with you. I love you. Happy Birthday!

(Posted by Kevin)

Crunch-time

So we are holing ourselves up for most of this weekend to get our respective work done...Kevin is working on house stuff (drywalling, installing doors, patching the roof, building a stair), and I'm busy with AHOPE work. My goal is to have the major things done by the end of tomorrow. I'm pretty excited about all of it--can't wait to show you what I've been up to!

We do have some fun things planned however--this evening we're going to see a free movie outdoors at Washington Park here in Denver, and tomorrow night we're having dinner with friends.

But today we are working hard. :)

3 degrees of separation

Stumbled across this panel discussion today between Chuck Colson, Greg Boyd and Shane Claiborne. I thought it was SO interesting and I loved getting to hear each of their insights. It's a little long but if you're interested, it's definitely worth watching!

Three Degrees of Separation

**Shane Claiborne (the one on the far right with the awesome dredlocks) is one of my all-time favorites--he wrote a book, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical that made such an impact on me. He has a new one out, Jesus for President, that I still need to read. AND I just found out that he was speaking in Denver Monday night and I missed it! Shoot!

Tuesday

Tuesday night our family headed down to the World Vision Experience AIDS Exhibit and to hear a wonderful presentation called "Are You Okay with This: A Conversation About AIDS." The discussion was EXCELLENT. We heard from two different World Vision representatives, a woman who has developed curriculum being used across Africa to educate about HIV and AIDS, and a local reverend who has been living with HIV for 20 years.

Even though I blog a lot about adoption and Africa, on a day to day basis I don't even really think about where my kids come from. I mean I KNOW they're from Ethiopia, and I know their story, but when we wake up in the morning they're just Yosef and Biniam, hungry for breakfast, full of energy, playing Snow White with Anna (they alternate between being the witch and the prince) and making Katie laugh.

The presentation opened with a video called "Are You Okay With This?" about the AIDS pandemic (I tried to find it on the internet to post here, but couldn't.) This is totally weird but I nearly burst into tears watching it...something just hit way too close to home and as it was talking about the orphans left in the wake of this horrible disease, I kept thinking, my sons, my SONS, are two of those! My kids are those very statistics! All I could think about was their birthmom, and their biological sister, and the heartbreak I remember reading about two and a half years ago when the FedEx truck showed up with their history. The video ended with the words "Are you okay with this?" and I seriously wanted to cry out, NO! I'M NOT! (Don't worry, I didn't! :) )

Then hearing the man speak about living with HIV, and his personal journey, had me tearing up too. The pain he experienced, friends he's lost to AIDS, it was all really sobering. What an amazing testimony he has!

The exhibit itself, which we walked through afterwards, was extremely powerful as well. We went through the story of a little Ugandan girl who was HIV positive. It's a true story, the exhibit was AMAZING, and super powerful. At the end you are supposed to pray, and leave a message on the prayer wall. I about lost it in the exhibit too! (What's wrong with me?!)

I walked away from that evening feeling...broken. Nothing I heard was shocking or particularly "new" to me--having sons from Ethiopia, and having been there, I feel like I deal with this information on a regular basis. But somehow yeah, I felt grieved, I think because I was reminded of the reality of where my kids come from, and where SO MANY still are. What a blessing also to see the passion the different speakers have about their jobs and what they do. There are people out there who care. A lot.

Not sure exactly what the "takeaways" were from the whole thing. I guess I felt humbled, and encouraged, and saddened, all at the same time. I guess I feel even more convicted about living a life of simplicity (probably a blogpost all its own), using the resources we have to help Africa, and about always remaining open to adoption. Yes I do feel we'll adopt again, although I couldn't tell you when. Not now, I am pretty confident of that, but sometime in the future. We think about siblings where at least one of them has HIV. This has been on our hearts for a long time. It is exciting to think about what God might have for us.

At any rate, seriously, if you live near Denver, or if it comes to a city near you, go see this exhibit! It'll only take up about 30 minutes of your time, and you can take your kids with you.

Guilty pleasures

LOVE to read, but I generally don't read a lot of fiction. My sister-in-law likes to joke that I only read books about making the world a better place. WELL, sometimes a girl's gotta branch out a little.

A very fabulous someone, who shall remain nameless (as I don't know if they want to be outed), has gotten me hooked on Stephenie Meyers' Twilight Saga. I started the first book on Sunday afternoon and could.not.put.it.down. I finished it by 10 am the next morning! I have a hold on the second book in the series at the library. And the movie is coming out in December. I will be seeing it.

Yes, it may be "young adult" fiction. (About high-schoolers.) Yes, it has vampires in it. (But they're nice ones!) Sure, my (somewhat-neglected) husband thinks I'm a loser. But sorry people, I gotta have my Bella and my Edward!

So don't judge (come on now, it's written by a Mormon woman and therefore free of alcohol, drugs and sensuality), and ya'll gotta tell me--who else is secretly and obsessively reading this series???? What has been some of your own "guilty pleasure reading"???

Will you come?

If you live in the Denver area, PLEASE consider coming to see this FREE remarkable exhibit, World Vision Experience: AIDS--Step into Africa.

Maybe the AIDS crisis, or what is happening in Africa, isn't even on your radar screen. Or maybe you've been meaning to learn more about it. Either way, I encourage you to go check this out! I haven't been yet but would like to, so maybe we can go together.

It's at Cherry Hills Community Church in Highlands Ranch, and runs from Sunday, July 6th through Tuesday, July 15th. You can reserve your free tickets online (therefore avoiding a wait) by either visiting http://www.worldvisionexperience.org/ or http://www.chcc.org/.

They also have a number of exciting related opportunities going on all week.

So yeah, please come. :)

Is your Ethiopian child from Layla House?

I'm wondering if anyone out there has a copy of the September 2005 Waiting Child video from AAI, that they might be willing to part with, or make a copy for us.

We loaned ours out and it was lost. It's the only early video we had of Yosef and Biniam and one of our only glimpses into their past, which I'd hoped to have for them. I am just devastated over this, so please email or leave a comment if you can help!

First fancy haircut

A few weeks ago I took Anna to get her hair cut at a salon--for the first time. The kids had a ball coloring with chalk, watching a video, and Anna got to sit on a pink scooter during the cut. They each got a lollipop at the end.

I love her hair short, but I miss it long too.

As we were sitting in the fancy children's salon, I couldn't decide if I thought the salon was cute, or over-the-top for a child. For some reason it seemed kinda creepy to me and like it was trying to make kids into adults. (That's fine if you think that I overthink things. I'm sure that I do!)

Not to mention the cut cost nearly as much as I'LL pay for my OWN haircut. (Yes I refuse to pay more than about $25 for a haircut. I'll pass on the blow dry/style if I have to!) I'd hoped to spend $10 or less, but because I found out that Fantastic Sam's charges $15 for kids to get their hair cut (what a scam!), I assumed I wouldn't be able to find places that charged less. SO I went to this fancy schmancy kids salon.

Well, according to my subsequent Google research, some places DO charge less, and that is precisely where we'll be going next time. :) To me, the treat and excitement about going to a salon (especially for a kid!) is just in going at all--Anna doesn't HAVE to sit on a scooter to have her hair done. If I could, I would do it myself at home, like my mom used to cut mine.

Sorry if it seems like I'm being WAY overly philosophical about a child's hair. But these were my musings while I sat there. There are so many things we feel "entitled to" in our society of affluence. I think the art of being content is a tough one to master, especially being surrounded by so much stuff and so many opportunities. I want to give my kids a simple upbringing and an appreciation for simple things. Not to mention if we can live with less, we can give more.

ANYway, that is the story of Anna's haircut. It even passed her (long-hair-loving) daddy's approval. Now if I can find time to get MINE cut...

Disgruntled Tuesday parenting thoughts

Today was frustrating. Okay maybe not across the board--I was able to get a bunch of laundry washed, folded and put away. I read a little bit in a great book I recently started. I even read some great things in Psalms and Proverbs. And got a few emails written.

But...one of my kids is basically on my (frayed) nerves. Said individual's attitude, in particular, has been bugging me lately. Today this little person refused to stay in bed during naptime and just doesn't seem to "get it." They even had the nerve to say they DIDN'T get out of bed, when I'd just caught them moments before. (Remember I said they don't seem to get it???)

During times like these I start getting paranoid, begin questioning all my parenting techniques (like I have so many), and about a million other things. Does this child have a hard heart? Will they learn to obey God? Why does their attitude stink? (I never said I wasn't neurotic!)

Trusting the Lord is hard in general...and extra hard when it comes to my kids. At the end of the day, as much as I seek to know and understand my children, only God can truly know their hearts, and their dreams, and their past hurts, and the content of their souls. He has made me their mother and wants me to train them in the way that they should go, but ultimately, He knows.

Which is good, because clearly I do not.

(Also good is that in about two hours I'm meeting some girlfriends for dinner. And I may just go all out and have a drink too!)

RLC Blog Buzz #3: Transitioning home

First time holding my new sons in Ethiopia, at Layla House

February 2006

This week's question asks about tips/suggestions/advice about traveling to pick up your child, adjustment at home, etc.

I think we really tried to go into our trip to Africa, our adoption, all of it with no expectations. They say the biggest deciding factor in your satisfaction is how the outcome lives up to your expectations. We prepared ourselves for the kids to be sick, we knew they'd lived in a variety of institutions during the most formative time of their lives, and knew that it was likely that we could experience some attachment problems, that might not show up until later.

Kevin and I with our boys at dinner in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
February 2006

Having my sons handed to me is something I'll never forget. A feeling of love, protectiveness, and awe came over me. It was magical. Of course the trip and early days home weren't all magic. Both of our sons had a parasite and lice (two boys with diarrhea + 30-hour flight = bummer), Biniam had a double ear infection, Yosef had horrible dreams in the middle of the night where he'd wake up mournfully crying. Biniam would have a severe emotional reaction anytime he saw food --if I opened the fridge or pantry, etc., he'd become instantly inconsolable. And it didn't matter if he'd just had a huge meal.

There were days in those early weeks at home where I felt like we were holding on for dear life. Where I'd be counting down the minutes until Kevin got home. Where I'd blast Bob Marley and we'd dance and smile and feel, if even for a few moments, like things really were going to be okay.

Some first moments together as siblings

February 2006

And we kept waiting for the proverbial attachment shoe to drop. There were all sorts of ways that we tried to encourage bonding and attachment. We tried to cuddle as much as possible. We continued giving the boys milk from a bottle and cradling them like a baby to give it to them. When we'd go out somewhere we'd wear the boys in a front carrier. I think being home a lot also helped. We waited a long time before putting them in the church nursery. And after awhile they began to see that they belonged with us, that we were mom and dad. They adjusted really well and truly, that shoe has still not dropped. They are affectionate kids who look to us to meet their needs. I still find myself worrying sometimes but ultimately I know that the Lord is in control anyway.

We're sleepy, but we're happy--first days home

February 2006

After about six months at home Biniam stopped crying at the sight of food. Yosef's bad dreams went away within about a month. The stool samples and medication three times a day were brutal, but the boys' giardia (and Biniam's ear infections) was cured after only one go-round of the meds. I also at some point found myself able to take a deep breath--and just in time, because four months after bringing our sons home, I became pregnant with Kaitlyn!

First trip to church as a new family

February 2006

I guess my "advice" is, do everything you can to promote attachment. Be home with your kids, find things to do around the house. Engage in activities that include touch and lots of eye contact. Fight the urge to romanticize the situation and try to keep from having lots of grand expectations. If you can, co-sleep. Read, read, read about childhood trauma, attachment, and potential issues. I really think knowledge is power and if you go into it prepared, you'll be much better able to handle your child's behavior. Pray lots (even if you don't believe in God, pray anyway!) and get people to pray for you. And remember that "love is always enough" is a MYTH--sometimes it might be, but not always. So get help if you need it, and remember that things WILL get easier, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's okay to feel whatever it is that you're feeling. I think adoption, like so much of parenting, is more of a marathon, and less of a sprint. And if you can find other adoptive parents to talk to (whether online or in real life), do that. It really helps!

First family picture, before church on Sunday

March 2006

I'm including this link to a wonderful article by Melissa Fay Greene, about her own personal post-adoption experience. It is so wise and definitely worth the read!

Post-Adoption Panic

Ready

So my exciting opportunity that I alluded to in this post is that I am now AHOPE for Children's Denver-area contact! My first "event" is today! I'm hosting a table (along with two other nonprofits, including my sweet friend Jennifer's) at the annual Denver Ethiopian adoptive families picnic up in Brighton. I've made up a handout, will have brochures, a donation jar, and donation box for bandaids and creams that people know to bring ahead of time. Pray that hearts will be stirred for these precious children!!!

This all came about as I was asked a few weeks ago to head up an exciting project to increase sponsorships--by having AHOPE for Children be a presence at various events. I will be creating sponsorship packets, getting a banner, there are tshirts and other items being designed by amazing volunteers that will be for sale at future events, and we have a super exciting opportunity coming up in July. But more about that later. I gotta go finish preparing for today!

**A huge, huge thanks to Lisa for her wonderful help and for answering my million questions, Marissa for her work on the AHOPE store items, and Emily for encouraging us to have a table at the picnic.

Celebrating 6 years

Last Sunday was our 6 year wedding anniversary, and since Kevin's family was in town, we were able to sneak away for a couple of hours.

We walked to the popular Sushi Den restaurant on Old South Pearl Street for dinner. It was a gorgeous summer evening and it was so nice to walk hand-in-hand and chat. I love spending time with my husband, and it was extra special to get some true alone-time together. (I won't tell you the last time we were out, just the two of us, but even if I did, I don't think you'd believe me!)

Here's to Kevin's family for watching the kiddos, and to Kevin for a wonderful evening out! Cheers!

Words between brothers

Heard in my house this morning:

Biniam: Mo-om, Yosef called me poo-poo!!!

Yosef: Well Biniam was being a crocodile to me!

My little ones tend to get along quite well under normal circumstances, but sometimes they argue. It can be hard finding the balance between interfering, and letting them work it out on their own. (Read: this mommy does not like being a policeman!) Sometimes I like to joke that our family is a big social experiment, what with four young children so close in age to one another. Hmmm, I guess that's not really a joke!

Fortunately everyone seems to like each other and the older ones are so very patient with the baby. I hope they're learning big life lessons in the every-day-ness of family dynamics. Taking turns, sharing, putting others first, dealing with being bummed out. Our family doesn't really look like a lot of other families, and not simply because we are a mixed-race family. This many children this close together tends to turn a few heads all on its own, and one of the most common questions I'm asked is, how do they get along?

I'd say they get along just fine. There are the occasional spats, tears, yelling (sometimes on more occasions than I would like). But they know that whatever activies we do, their baby sister will be there. That when we get up tomorrow, we'll all be heading out or playing together. We wait for each other, share our snacks with one another, and are gentle with little Katie.

Our society is segregated in about a million ways. That includes being segregated by age, and it begins very early on. My kids obviously won't always be hanging out together all day, everyday, but for now, they are. And I like to think that in spite of the name-calling and crocodile-being, they are growing and being shaped into just who God wants them to be.