Friday, December 05, 2008

Maybe my life's NOT that chaotic...

I'm sure most of you have heard of this family before. My sister-in-law recently emailed me the link to their website--I'd seen them on TV but didn't know a whole lot about them. Wow. They amaze and inspire me. I am so intrigued by their lifestyle and cannot imagine having so many children so close in age.

Because on a typical day I usually feel stretched pretty thin. I tire of the daily grind of preparing meals, keeping up on the dishes, changing diapers and breaking up arguments. Sometimes I (gasp!) feel sorry for myself and wonder, why is motherhood so hard? I'm realizing that I used to really rest in knowing that in the middle of the day, every day, I'd have a good two hours or so all to myself. Now that my older three don't nap anymore, I'm having to really adjust my expectations. We still observe "naptime", but they get antsy, and truly, even when they don't, it's just not the same. I'm embarrassed to admit that this alone has made life hard lately. I definitely have an entitlement mentality when it comes to naptime! (Am I REALLY considering homeschooling? I'm starting to wonder...)

Being a work in progress, while I know what I BELIEVE about life and kids, it can be terribly hard LIVING in light of it all! I'm blessed with four amazing, precious gifts from the Lord, I'm married to my best friend, and my life is ridiculously easy compared to most women in the world. It's probably time to start trusting and seeking God more, and start thinking about me, myself and I less.

It might FEEL like I'm always doing laundry and that there are untold numbers of children tugging on my sleeves...but let's face it, we Heldts are no Duggars. :) And with that, I'm off to go take a shower and get out of my 4:00 in the afternoon. Ah, the glamorous life of a frazzled-SAHM-to-four!


Angelina said...

I have a great quote from a friend with 3 kids close in age: "I didn't become a mother bceause I thought it was going to be easy". At the time she said that to me I had 4 kids that were 5 years old and under and I was TIRED. Mentally, physically, emotionally....But now my oldest is 9 and the youngest is 4, we homeschool and life is much easier than it was 4 years ago. My children no longer nap, but they play together, read to each other, in general entertain each other so well that there are times when they are too quiet and I have to go see what they are up to. Sometimes I even want to play with them and forgo my alone time. It is hard and you are in one of the harder times with your kids being so small. But, of course there's a but here, but, it gets so much easier and while there are still hard days they aren't constant. Treat yourself to an extra long bath, get up earlier than they get up and have quiet time, go to the grocery store alone. Be sure to invest in yourself so you have something to give back to the kiddos! Keep up the good work, cause from where I sit, you look like you are doing an awesome job!

geetabean said...

Hello! I'm Gina....I don't know you but I love reading your blog. If you've ever watched a show with that family in it, you would see that they have SO many kids that the older ones do a lot of the "parenting" for the little ones. They have buddies that they are always assigned to, and the kids pretty much do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry etc. Not that the parents have it easy....being pregnant that much would drive me to insanity. lol

But them having such a big family and the perceived struggles to go with it doesn't make yours any less. I only have 2 kiddos and I feel stretched thin daily!! I think that it just comes with the territory of having small children. You being drained at the end of the day means that they have been filled and that is the goal isn't it?

You are a good mom! When your kids are grown, they will never remember if the bathrooms were sparkling or the laundry was always put away on time, but they will remember the time you spent with them, and your love. God bless!

Anonymous said...

I really am impressed by the Duggars, especially the mom Michelle, but I have always wondered with these huge families, Why don't they adopt more? There are so many needy children in this world, dying right now because of such simple things. Instead of having 18, why not adopt,say half? Also,I remember once when one of the youngest ones got lost at JFK airport and when he was found he didn't go to his Mom, he went to his sister who is in charge of him for comfort. That would break my heart if my child didn't want ME at that moment. It is an interesting family and I truly believe they are doing what they feel is best for their family.

Renee said...


Don't be so hard on yourself!

Your children are still so young. I know they seem big to you now, but I think around the age 7 is when they really start being a help than needing care. I can tell you life is easier with 11 and older children and babies than it was when I had 4 under 5.

You are doing a GREAT job!

I just love reading about your family. They are so sweet and it reminds me of when we had all littles and I was ahem young.

I am no Michelle Duggar either. One day my niece was over and our two little boys were playing with their Billy Bob teeth. They couldn't quite get them in their mouth so they would bring them to me to fix their Billy Bob Teeth. After the 19th time my sweet little niece looked at me and said, "Aunt Renee I love you but I just can't see Mrs. Duggar doing that." I don't know why but it cracks me up every time I think of it.

You are a great Mom!

Hauswife said...

I swear they're not human! You are amazing, Brianna... truly! And, don't throw out the homeschooling baby with the craziness bathwater. If I can do it, you can too! :)

Brianna Heldt said...

thanks friends for the kind words!

anonymous, i know that is often a criticism of large families, the adoption issue. knowing first-hand the blessings of adoption (and need for adoptive families) i too sometimes wonder why more people don't adopt. i think in this case they just don't practice birth control (nor do we for that matter), and, like most other families in the US, they don't adopt. some of these decisions are definitely about more than simply wanting a bunch of kids.

i cannot imagine having a reality show in my house!!!!!! what a nightmare! :)

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that there is a lot of "show" and editing and scripting that goes with ANY and ALL reality shows.

So, while they look good for the show there is all the rest of the days, weeks, months with the kids are just that, kids.

Just like survivor, I don't believe for one minute that they're thrown out there with little to no food unless they "win" it or catch it.

I'd bet ya real money that they are fed at least one meal a day.

I'm just saying, don't compare your life to an edited unreality show ;-)-.

this is us said...

It's 1:03pm - I'm about to change out of my pajamas because I HAVE to to get Jaso to speech therapy. But otherwise, this would indeed be a full pajama day. We'll look back at these days wistfully, right?


Dawn said...

brianna, you are doing great!hang in there! Check out this Blog, Dorothy is amamzing(she has 10,3bio and 7 adopted blessings,living in a low income inner city setting) and gives me a bit more of a reality check. I recently emailed her about"how do you do it?" and she said "live in the real not the ideal."


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