Not what I wanted to hear

Yesterday Mary Lu had her weight check.

To see if she had gained any weight since her last visit.

And...she weighed LESS.  She LOST weight.

Ugh.

I feel so sad and frustrated.

My ten-month-old weighs less than she did at SIX months.

So we ended up over at Children's Hospital here in Denver to run some tests.  Some of the results I should have today, but unfortunately we weren't able to get a good urine sample so I'll have to go BACK to the hospital so they can try again.

Obviously I was hoping for better news.  I was hoping to see that she'd gained some weight, even if only an ounce or two.  But, no.

To be honest I feel a bit defeated.  I was so tired after yesterday's medical appointments--I didn't leave the hospital until 5:45 pm...and stopped for greasy pizza on my way home.  'Cause it was that kind of day.  (And don't think that I didn't have several pieces of pizza PLUS two sticks of crazy bread AND a can of soda.  I enjoyed it immensely.  Didn't feel the least bit guilty.  Or care that I ate more than my husband.)

I guess at this point I just want closure.  I want to know why my baby can't seem to maintain her weight.  Most of the time I'm pretty laid back when it comes to this sort of thing (I am so not that person that freaks out if my kid's not on the growth chart, or if they have a fever), but right now I admit I'm a little worried.

There's a condition the doctor suspects she may have (an issue with her kidneys where there's too much acid in her blood, and which she would eventually outgrow), and he's also testing her thyroid and other stuff too.  If everything comes back negative, he'll order a sweat test to rule out Cystic Fibrosis.  (For which she literally has no other symptoms.  Goodness, I hope it's nothing serious.)

Being a mom is so hard sometimes.  We love our little ones so incredibly much and waiting on test results is grueling.

ALL of that being said, Mary is one sweet baby, babbles lots now and loves lifting both of her arms up over her head in the air.  So very cute.  (And of course it goes without saying that she's crawling all over the place and getting into all manner of stuff she shouldn't be.)

For now, I've reattached her little bag and am waiting for her to pee.  (And hoping the bag actually catches the urine this time.  It was an epic fail yesterday.)  Then it's back to the hospital with said bag.

Isn't it funny how in middle-class America you (well, I do anyway) develop this false sense of security with your little ones?  They're not supposed to be sick, or have medical issues, or learning delays, or whatever.  But when else does life work that way?  I just keep thinking about how much I love my sweet baby girl, regardless of any issues she may have been born with.  I know so.very.many. mamas who have sweet children dealing with major medical stuff.  It's apparently part of life.  Some people may escape with a pretty ho-hum, "happy" existence but difficulty is bound to touch some aspect of our time here on earth.  It just is.

In summary: Mary will be okay, we'll be okay, mostly I hate the waiting and wondering, and I'm really, REALLY hoping that she pees soon so we can get that sample to the hospital and be done with the tests (for now, anyway)!  And I'm oh-so-thankful for such great family and friends who pray for us and remain a constant source of encouragement that I can count on.  Not to mention, when you have a baby who grins at you like she is in that photo, who can feel sad or anxious for too long??!!

I'll keep you all updated on whether her bag actually catches the urine what we find out.  Yay for Friday!