Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Maybe you've noticed that I don't share too terribly much here about my sons' story because, well, it's THEIR story--not mine. It's a fine line we blogging mamas walk, isn't it? While I want to be transparent and open about my life, I always want to respect my children in this space. That comes first. And for us, that means that I simply can't blurt out every little detail surrounding their first sixteen months of life.
And so my sons are asking lots of questions and we're having lots of good conversation. I'm loving it. It can be hard, yes, and we find ourselves saying "I don't know" quite a bit, in addition to heading down various rabbit trails that seem so grown up for six year old boys. But still it is really, really good. Yosef and Biniam are at a place where they feel incredibly comfortable asking questions and I feel like we're having healthy dialogue. So even though it is sad, I am grateful because we're openly communicating about it.
Last night after dinner one of my sons was saying he loved his birthmom, and wished we could help her. Then he wanted to know if I think about her often, and what exactly I think about when I remember her. I answered honestly and told him that I think about her quite often, and that I wish things had been different, that I think she is a very brave woman, and that I wonder what she looks like. I told him that I too desperately wish we could help her. I told him that I am so sorry that she, due to some very difficult life circumstances, was not able to raise her precious sons. But that I am so blessed that they are now my own sons. Because if she wasn't able to do it, I am so grateful that I get to be their adoptive mom. (I have never felt envious of their birth mother, or defensive. I LIKE hearing my boys say they love her and care about her. I WANT them to have a special place in their hearts for her. I think that is healthy, and good.)
So we will continue talking, and attempting to navigate these stories with love and with truth. We may not do it perfectly, but we're trying, and I hope our sons will look back and see that if nothing else, they could ask questions and receive honest answers. Even if sometimes all we can say is, "I don't know."
Birth parents and adoption