Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mom fail

"I'm writing this blogpost just in case anyone thinks that I somehow have it all together."

I know, right? 

That's how you're supposed to start a self-deprecating story. 

Every mommy blogger intuitively knows this.

But I'm not going to open with that. 

Because I don't think anyone actually thinks this mama has it all together.  (Thank goodness!) 

We're just so beyond that here at Just Showing Up. 

For example, yesterday I spilled my entire (beloved, large-sized) Diet Coke at the rec center pool...shortly after being lectured by multiple lifeguards for not being IN the zero-foot-entry baby pool with my four oldest kids. 

{Is it okay if I think that crouching awkwardly in a half-foot of shallow water, while wearing an ill-fitting, stretched out bathing suit, while my children play and splash around me, is completely embarrassing?  And let's be honest, I was there to chat with my girlfriends, one of whom suggested to the lifeguard that they should provide chairs in the pool for moms to sit on--as well as martinis.  I have brilliant friends.  AND, just to be clear, I was sitting RIGHT at the edge of the water, waded in several times, and was watching my children the entire time.  Water safety, people!} 

So I can't start with those words.  Because I have five young children.  I'm a klutz.  I do goofy things.  I'm extremely introverted and as a result have awkward encounters on a regular basis.

You do the math.


I'm going to start, instead, by saying the following:

Anna recently participated in the science fair at her homeschool program, and I have rarely been filled with such anxiety.

See, this type of thing stresses me out beyond words.  (Even more than all the fingerprints(!) on our stainless steel fridge.  Which has been cleaned since then.  But, eek!)

Because I never really did a science project.

I never had to do a display board or figure out an experiment.

And because I didn't want to look like an idiot love my daughter, I wanted her to have a good project and a good display and to receive a ribbon.

But the problem is, a first grader can't really type it all up or do much of it on their own, so we parents were supposed to get involved.

Enter my feelings of dread, incompetence, and just all around terror.

Thankfully Kevin helped Anna do the actual experiment on a Saturday.  I was SO grateful.

But the deal was that I was supposed to be in charge of helping with the write-up and display. 


So I showed up to Hobby Lobby with five unruly obnoxious charming kids and a mission: to get the display board.

And I discovered that they sell multiple sizes.


I'd never done this before.  Ever.  So I bought the size I figured was adequate for a first grader.

And it looked like THIS next to all the other first grade displays. 

Oh dear.

When we got there and I discovered that I was the ONLY mom in the ENTIRE school too stupid to know the proper size, I told Anna that hers was different, because SHE, uh, had the cute baby display (?!)

A few minutes later I heard her repeating those words, gleefully and through giggles, to one of her friends.

Major mom-points for the good spin.

Which partially makes up for my major mom-fail.  Sort of.  Okay not really.  I just looked at that photo again.

Anyway, backing up in the story, the evening we were supposed to put the display together, I had a major meltdown.

As in, I cried.  And I never, ever cry.  (And this was BEFORE I found out I bought the wrong-sized board.  Sheesh!  But, it was AFTER I had an embarrassing encounter with a deacon at an Ash Wednesday service.  Rough night for sure.)

I had no clue how to write it up, or display it on the board.  I'm not crafty OR creative.  I just started cutting up a bunch of construction paper with my broken scissors, and I can't cut straight, and Anna was super hyper and running around and all of a sudden I realized she had to have a GRAPH as part of the display, and how do you graph the results of melting ice cubes?

Thankfully my dear, sweet husband came to my rescue.  Again.

I have never really considered myself a damsel in any sort of distress, but that night, yeah.  I needed help.

So Kevin worked with Anna on the board and graph.

While I sat there wringing my hands and emailing a friend about how stressful this science fair was.

But not to worry.

My husband little girl won a second-place ribbon and could not have been more thrilled when they called her name.  Apparently they thought the project was good, even if the mom's knowledge of science fair project materials was NOT so good.



Can I just say that I am so, so glad this is over?  My daughter may have learned something about the scientific method, but it came at the cost of taking a good five years off my life.

I knew I hated science.

And I knew I didn't have it all together.

So did you, and now you have further proof.

Yet this is the stuff that life is made of, friends. 

Spilled Diet Cokes and science fair extravaganzas.

So the next time you have a mom-fail moment, you can think of me.

Just picture my daughter's itty-bitty display board and my cry-fest on Ash Wednesday.

You'll feel lots better.

And my self-deprecating tale will have been well worth it!


Blog Template by