Today Erin posted this on her blog. Totally worth reading if you're thinking about adopting, or even if you're not, read it anyway. I found it convicting, and hard, and ultimately, very true:
I have several "used-to-be-blog-but-now-are-real-life" friends with kids from Ethiopia. Something that used to always feel like a novelty, like having children who come from a seemingly distant continent on the other side of the world, now just seems very "normal". I also know families (some online, some in real life) with children who have HIV. So even the idea of someday adopting a child with a special medical need doesn't seem so unique anymore.
And what does it mean to be a family, anyway? What is God's purpose for men and women and how do you or I fit into it?
God's been changing my answers to those questions ever since my first child was born. Sometimes slow and subtle, but sometimes sudden, and seemingly without warning. I think I'm in that place now where, if you ask me how many kids I "want", I just plain don't have an answer. As many as God wants us to have, I suppose. (I know, I know, that's kind of a vague answer.) We don't actively prevent pregnancy, and there are so many children who go to their cold metal beds every night praying for something that most of us take for granted: a mom and a dad, someone to love them.
On Sunday at church, I was so convicted and encouraged and inspired by a sermon that, among other things, talked about no one truly wanting to be converted...we look for churches or groups that fit the way WE look at life, and don't leave room for God to change our hearts and ultimately convert us. That was pretty mind-blowing for me. It can be scary to have God take you places you never thought you'd go. Do I really WANT to be changed? Do I really WANT to let go of what's safe, comfortable and "typical" to follow after Jesus? I love John Piper's idea of not wasting your life. But I doubt that it is ever easy. Or always accepted by others.
Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. On a side-note, do you know that this has now been the longest we have gone without adding a child to our family, either through birth or adoption, since we've been married??? Weird. I'm not pregnant, and we're not starting the adoption process again yet or anything--but I find myself looking forward to both! In spite of the fact that the six of us are living in 1500 square feet of space right now, still completely unsettled. Like I said, God continues to re-shape my vision of family, and life. And that's a good thing!