Monday, January 10, 2011

The waiting game (of Ethiopian adoption)

I probably get asked at least three times a week if I have any adoption news, if we have a court date yet to become parents to our two precious, waiting girls.

And the answer is still, sadly, no.

Our dossier went to Ethiopia roughly three months ago (!)  Yet there is no exact science when it comes to these things, because there are many factors involved.  Some parents are inclined to frequently email and call and request information.  (Which is obviously understandable.)  We've more or less made the decision to wait and see, because ultimately we have no real control anyway.  I figure the less agency time spent assuring us that our process will indeed culminate in an adoption, the more agency time spent on placing children and moving the process along.

The two children we are adopting are in good hands at our agency's care center.  I know this.  And yet at the same time, they need to come HOME.  Both girls were born with Down syndrome, and are developmentally delayed to some degree.  The sooner they can join our family, the sooner we can get them any help or medical attention they may need.  Both girls have waited WAY.TOO.LONG. for a family in the first place.  Baby/toddler girls are in high demand from Ethiopia...unless they have special/medical needs.  Then they wait.

So this morning I broke down and sent a short email to our agency, letting them know we received our I-171 approval and asking if there is any particular REASON it's been three months, or if it's just adoption as usual.  :)  I figure hearing from us once every three months is not so bad.  The director of the agency wrote back saying they should have some news soon.

I think anyone who has adopted knows that it involves a lot of waiting.  It's hard.  My life has felt as if it's been in limbo for the past three months, and the more time that passes, the more it feels that way.  The only thing that has kept me remotely sane is the fact that I have five children occupying my time, so I'm trying to savor these final months of calm before the major transition of adding two children to our family.

But I'm getting anxious.  Even though I believe in the process and I believe we will eventually travel to make these girls our daughters.

Part of me feels guilty (?) that I'm NOT calling our agency every few maybe I should be advocating for these children more.  But in my head I know that no amount of my whining is going to change anything, except maybe put me on our agency's bad list.  Plus, we wouldn't have used this agency (twice!) if we didn't trust them or believe they are doing good, ethical work. 

Basically, motherhood and adoption and all that comes with it are not about me.  And our girls are worth it.  They are worth every notarized document, every ounce of anxiety and frustration, every penny, every moment of limbo it takes to bring them home.  That's what it's about.  So while I feel horrible that these girls are still in an orphanage when they have a family (us!) excited to bring them home, I'll look on the sort-of bright sight and keep on waiting...because they deserve to have someone impatiently waiting for them.  And if I could do anything to get them home sooner, I would.  In a heartbeat. 

I'll continue to keep you all posted.  Because I am obsessively and compulsively checking my email every day in hopes that there will be news.  And when there is, you all will be some of the first to know!


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