Wednesday, September 24, 2008

It's 3 a.m. and I must be lonely

Remember that song? (I heart all things Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20.)

Sadly, the song is autobiographical, because that's when I got up this morning. 3 a.m.

With a sick, crying baby. That had thrown up. I cleaned her up, gave her some more tylenol and remade her bed, but she was too feverish and restless to go to sleep. I rocked her, walked her around, then she wanted down. She made a beeline to where Biniam was sleeping and stood there, lay her head down next to him, and started drifting off. Can you tell she loves her brother?

Then she proceeded to charge over to the play kitchen and start, well, playing kitchen. Hmmm. I scooped her up and took a gamble by laying down on our (white) couch with her. Where we proceeded to lay, with her drifting in and out of sleep, and me watching the news and reading, until everyone else woke up for the day. She hasn't thrown up since, thank goodness. And after our shower this morning, she was running around the house with toys, laughing, and watching cartoons. Nothing keeps this kid down!

Anyway, as I lay there in the terribly-early morning hours, holding my sleeping baby and listening to her breathe, I reflected on the fact that I'm really quite blessed to be her mom, the one God chose to hold her and rock her and care for her when she's sick. I heard something on our trip, on a Christian radio station, about womanhood and motherhood and what to do with your life once your kids move out. It was a conservative, traditional, evangelical Christian program so I was extra surprised to hear how they perceived motherhood, and the advice they gave to women to prepare for having an empty nest. Talk about missing out on the blessings God is giving you! It was horrible! If we're constantly resenting our kids and the way they've forced us to give up all of our wonderful dreams and aspirations...then maybe we're not seeing children, or ourselves and our roles, through God's perspective.

I can't say it's FUN when all you can smell is vomit, or when you've been up for 7 hours by 10 a.m. BUT, I'm realizing that God has actually used my sons' adoptions in many ways to show me that mothering is a GIFT, that these four children He's given me are GIFTS, and not something to be taken for granted--which I do, all too often.

But, by His grace, not last night.

11 comments:

Jeannett Gibson said...

I TOTALLY agree. A few weeks back when Henry had Roseola, all I could think as I held my feverish whining baby was what an honor and privelege it was to be the one chosen to love him. And what an amazing thing that when he was feeling puny, that of all the millions of people in the whole wide world, I was the one he wanted to snuggle with. I was in awe. Sad for my sick baby, but in awe of God's might and grace.

Mike and Rachel said...

I never love my kids more than when they are throwing up on me. Compassion does not come easily to me, but a sick child, especially mine, brings out the mama bear residing in me and I just cannot love on them enough.

I'm sorry Kaitlyn is sick, Brianna. We'll be praying for you guys.

Jacquelyn said...

The last time our family got the flu I thought we were all going to die it was so horrible. Ever since then - FLUE SHOTS!!!!!! Hope you guys make it through o.k. Poor little girl ...

Kristen Borland said...

amen, sister.

darci said...

amen! hope she's better soon, poor little one.

Penny Malley said...

Brianna, I am soooo going to read this blog post the next time one of my kids throws up. You handle it with such grace. I have a serious phobia about up-chuck. I become a horrible mother, running from the offending child as they are helplessly spewing forth. You have such an awesome perspective on the whole mothering thing. "In sickness and in health" is more than just your marriage!

Brianna Heldt said...

oh penny--confession time. i am TERRIFIED of puke. i cry when i throw up, and sometimes when my kids throw up!!! i would run the other way too, if they didn't need help! when we all had the stomach flu last Thanksgiving, I about passed out at one point when Anna was doing it. Sigh.

Joanie said...

Excellent lead in with song lyrics. Good times.

I always remember how Pastor Tim said that never once in the Bible are children listed as burdens. They are only referred to as gifts.

Brianna, you are making the world a better place by advocating loving our children. Strange that it needs advocating, hmmmm.

Hope you get more sleep in the next few days to make up for last night!

joy said...

amen! thanks for the wonderful reminder that our children are blessings and gifts. sometimes it is hard not to view them as burdens and parasites that have sucked away our identity and dreams, as that's how society tends to paint motherhood and children. true, we may have other dreams on hold, but i am living my dream! this is what i told my incredulous college professors i really wanted to do once i graduated and God has graciously given me my dream. ps--i hate puke, too. although, diarrhea running down the leg onto the floor--that's a toss up.

Mike and Rachel said...

joy, I would prefer puke to poop. Things that come out of the bottom are way more offensive to me for some reason.

Brianna Heldt said...

hmmmm interesting. i'll take poop any day! (and joy your description had me laughing out loud!)

 

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